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Teenager tore our family apart

My teenage daughter, 16 is dating an 18 yr old. Who lied to me about being a high school grad / he dropped out. AND he was convicted of child molistation when he was 13, to his 6 & 4 yr old nieces. AS soon, as I found out, I told my dd she could no longer see him & took her cell ph away. Anyhow, a month later, I find out that the b/f bought her a new phone & they were still talking. He could not come to her school, b/c another girl had a restraining order on him. WELL, my father knew all this and continued to let her see him and knew they'd been taking ect. (my mom would pick up the kids after school and they'd go to her house) NOW, I also, have a 10 and 8 yr old. After much arguement, my 16 yr went to live with my parents. She would never respect me if they continued to go behind my back & let her do what she wanted. Now, it's been sense Feb 14. I feel b/c of her I lost my family & so did my other 2 kids. What to do?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:20 AM on Apr. 8, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • There is really no way you can keep her away from him if this is what she wants, you can try and try but she will always find a way. If she stays at home at least you can monitor the situation, stay with allowing grandparents will not be in the best interest of your family. You took the easy way out by allowing her to move. Like the anon above said at 13 , we make mistakes that shouldn't necessarily follow our whole life. You don't even know the details of such charge, investigate, his background and take it from there.
    older

    Answer by older at 9:01 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • she is 16 she has no right to move out,call the cops she is a minor and he is an adult problem solved.
    BUSYLOVINGHIM

    Answer by BUSYLOVINGHIM at 12:28 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • the law told me that there was a two year gap. she was legal to be with him and his record is clean. when he turned 18 all the molestion charges were wiped clean. The law was no help, they just said she'd find a way to see him & I'd given her a place to stay (with my parents). They'd write a report that I was there, just in case she got into trouble. Also, once she turns 17 she was considered an adult.
    My anger is more with my father, who allowed her to go behind my back - She is my child, my rules. Regardless, if he thought it was the right thing or not.
    So, Grandparents - do you respect your son/daughter's decisions made for your grandkids? maybe that should have been my question..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:42 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • Wow, I'm so sorry for you. What does your dad have to say for himself? That's really terrible grandparenting!!!
    Adelicious

    Answer by Adelicious at 1:01 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • my parents would respect me. what are your parents excuse for letting this go? thats crazy
    MoMoFu

    Answer by MoMoFu at 1:05 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • My father say that what happened with this boy was just "kiddy sex" and he's been to a counselor, served his time on probation. My daughter says: he deserves a second chance. I'm saying, at age 13 you know, right from wrong. And if he was moved out of his home away from his younger brother's and sisters (he lives with his grandparents) there is a reason behind it. I'm not willing to take the chance of him bieng around my younger children - No one will pay for that if something were to happen expect my younger two kids. At this point, I'm upset because I lost "my mom" who I'm told didn't know about all this, but she's in the household with my father and does anything to keep the peace there. She didn't know about the cell phone only my father did. AND it upsets me that my younger two chldren also lost thier grandma. Because of the actions of my father & daughter. She texed tonight wanting the rest of stuff out of my house!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:28 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • You are blaming your daughter? Blame yourself. Disallow her from spending time with your parents if they can't follow your house rules, take the phone the bf bought away from your daughter, restrict her to the house if you think she's sneaking around. BE A PARENT and stop making excuses.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:40 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • I agree with the first PP. NO WAY would I allow my daughter to be seeing a child molester. Have her go to someone else's house who respects your decisions as her parent! I hate that when MIL does that to me. She does it to her other DIL, too. UGH. Of course it's nothing this serious, but I would scare the crap out of that boy so that he would never EVER come around my daughter again. I'd probably scare the crap outta HER, too.
    SAMNMAYASMOM

    Answer by SAMNMAYASMOM at 2:02 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • your gonna be angry with me but to convict a 13yr old of child molestation is a crime in itself. B4 u all go nuts, yes I do know what I'm talking about. Think back to when you were 13 and all the mature, grownup, long term decisions you made... NONE right - he was a child convicted of an awful thing, but that does not have to form the adult he becomes. I agree your daughter should have obeyed you and your Dad had no right to override you, but it has been 5 long years since his conviction and he was only one year out of middle school. That is really young to earn a life sentance
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:10 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • Maybe you should try actually being around to be a mother to her then you would know what she has been up to. Shipping her off to your parents house because you couldn't handle her gave her a very clear message about how you feel about her and I don't blame her for not listening to you. How can you possibly parent from another household all together?

    Your parents are the ones who make decisions for her now. You relinquished her to them to take care of and now you're just going to have to deal with that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:51 AM on Apr. 8, 2010