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dealing with a friends separation

Our best friends have separated and it has got very nasty very quickly. I feel stuck in the middle, my friend ringing me at all hours telling me what he's doing and saying, my DH talking to him and of course hearing the total opposite. It has meant we are afriad to tell each other anything in case the other inadvertantly lets out something they werent spose to. so now I have the ex husband accusing me of advising her on how to rip him off for all he's got... Has anyone else had this situation, how did you deal with it. I feel like we've lost our best friends, all they want to talk about is nasty, spiteful stuff about the other half, it makes me so sad. Do I just drop her cos it's too hard? do I hang in there cos she's a great chick normally, what do I do?? I hate being dragged in and accused when it isn't my problem

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myheartx4

Asked by myheartx4 at 1:22 AM on Apr. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,675 Credits)
Answers (3)
  • My rule for these things has always been that I am their friend and I will be supportive but When we are friends with both DH and I do not want to hear details, we dont want to take sides and we dont want to be dragged into the mess. We do continue to be friendly but we polietly explain our position and let them know we are there to hang out with and take their minds off of it but we really dont want to get involved in the details because it isnt fair to anyone.

    It is a really hard place to be in, we have several friendships that are with couples and it is really hard not to take sides, the one time i made the mistake of taking a side it altered our friendship with both people forever, they are still together but I dont approve because I know too much about the situation, I think sometimes it is best to not be in the know about those things.
    3_ring_circus_

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 1:51 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • My ex and I had that happen once, at least for us the friends had split after we had been transferred over seas so we weren't right in the middle of it. We actually didn't find out about it until afterward because they didn't want us to feel we'd have to take sides.

    I think in your case the two of you need to tell your friends that you aren't taking sides, you may have to threaten to not talk to them until things are settled if they insist on dragging you both into it. I know it's a hard thing to do, but it would be possible for their fights to become fights between you and your DH. Getting to close to the situation can make things weird, as you've already found out from before.

    I hope things work out for you, splitting up is always hard on everyone, even the friends.
    daisy521

    Answer by daisy521 at 3:47 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • This happened with my parents' divorce and a couple of their friends had to either choose who to be a friend with or not stay in contact with them at all. I'm sorry you're in this situation but you will need to tell the friends you can't be in the middle anymore and you need to step back in order to be their true friend. If they refuse that, then maybe you need to back away completely.

    Sorry you're so stressed out.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 10:26 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

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