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I have a out of control 4 year old & need some advice..please help!!!!

My 4 year old doesn't listen for anything. SCREAMS constantly, talks back to me & my husband,hits,throws things & we just dont know what to do. We have tried time out, taking things off of him, ignoring him, threatening him with not going places or he's not allowed to do something like go outside to play. We are so exhausted & frustrated. Any advice would help! Thanks!

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babyphatlady23

Asked by babyphatlady23 at 1:23 AM on Apr. 8, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (8)
  • I wish I could helpo lol, I am looking for the EXACT same answer you are. I have a 4 year old doing all the same things.
    Tiff86

    Answer by Tiff86 at 1:51 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • I just posted a similar question about my 3.5 year old daughter....at least you know you are not alone in having this problem!
    popcornlover

    Answer by popcornlover at 2:07 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • The things you have tried are all punishments. Parenting based on punishments doesn't work. It doesn't stop bad behavior or teach good behavior.

    Love & Limits by Elizabeth Crary is a great parenting book based on problem solving. She has a website called Star Parenting.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 2:14 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • Sticker charts work really well. They focus on the positive behavior you want to see. If you want more info on sticker charts feel free to message me.

    The other thing that works well is getting them involved... If you're making dinner have them help by picking out which veggie they think you should have (should we have carrots or broccoli). Have them pick out the cups and put them on the table. Have them set the table (doesn't matter if the fork is in the right place as long as it's on the table). Have them take drink orders from the rest of the family.

    Some responsibility can help them feel valued and included in the family. Once they feel part of the team they're more likely to follow the examples set by the rest of the family.
    terpmama

    Answer by terpmama at 10:15 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • We took a parenting class and it has helped tremendously! I joked that now we can go on playdates! Our girls weren't that bad but had their moments! Anyway, some of the biggest things are: be consistent and use age appropriate consequences, be patient, don't yell, teach them to say "Okay, Mom" or "Okay, Dad" when you ask them to do something, talk to them and tell them what is expected and what you will be doing (like if you were going grocery shopping, to church, playdates, ect)! These things have really helped! GL!
    dragonflylovr19

    Answer by dragonflylovr19 at 12:50 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • My middle child, a 3 year old little girl, is quite the handful and use to do exactly what your son is doing. We have learned that threatening and punishing her just causes her to be WAY more dramatic and make the whole process a waste. What we do now is get down to her level, hold her hands, make her look at us, and tell her what is wrong and what we expect out of her. We have noticed and if she doesn't feel like she's being completely listened to she'll flip out, so we have to make a point to stop and talk to her. She has improved so much that we are actually able to take her out in public without having to worry about a huge embarrassing meltdown. Good luck!!!!
    things_not_sane

    Answer by things_not_sane at 4:13 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • We had the same problem. We went to a workshop based on the book " The incedible years". It was great. Helped up build our relationship with both kids and taught us how to communcate effectively with them. We rarely have to discipline any more, have a lot less stress and enjoy our kids more.
    nwdeserangel

    Answer by nwdeserangel at 6:10 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • You're child needs to know that you're the boss. Threatening if you dont follow through means nothing. If timeouts dont work a swift one to the behind works wonders. I'm not saying you need to beat your kid, but letting him know that you're in charge and that they need to follow your directions. Also, praise good behaviors always! Encourage & reward the good, but be consistent in correcting bad behavior
    emaree

    Answer by emaree at 6:09 PM on Apr. 10, 2010

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