Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

i cant get over it

my previous rape experienceS. the first was with my child's dad- he raped me over and over again. i didnt want to leave cuz i loved him.

the second was with my next boyfriend after child's dad.. i let him out, he unlocked the backdoor without my knowledge (i NEVER unlock it), snuck in and raped me.

the first was 5 years ago. the second was 3 years ago, and nights like this-- it gets to me. its liek i cant escape from it. i'm going to a therapist next week, but i feel thats so far away. i just want to get better now.

sorry- i just had to vent without people knowing its me. i still cant really face the fact that this was done to me, and not someone else. its still surreal to me. its like i allowed it to happen once, and then again with another guy?! WTH is wrong with me?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:40 AM on Apr. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Nothing is wrong with you. You have been through hell and back. You didn't allow it to happen, those ASShats raped you. You did nothing wrong or anything to cause it.

    Answer by pnwmom at 2:44 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • I agree with beyondhopes, please seek the groups she listed on cafemom. It will help to have people who have been though something simular to turn to for support. BUT please still see your therapist on your scheduled date. Having as many resources as possible will help you on your path to healing.

    Answer by pnwmom at 2:46 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • Holy shit sweetheart! You need to stop dating abusive men! Or stop dating all together until you can get some help to find out why this keeps happening to you. I in no way am implying it was your fault but you need to find out why you are attracted to men like them. You don't deserve to be treated that way by ANYONE...especially someone you love.

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 4:04 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • you didn't allow this to happen sweetie, don't let the blame fall on your shoulders. no-one thinks you would allow someone to treat you likje that. Hang on! It's great you have a therapist and support groups with a positive, moving forward agenda can be really great tools. Please look after yourself, and know there are good people here without judgement, happy to PM to get you through - I am here

    Answer by myheartx4 at 4:14 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • Many women have suffered this and survived to be a better person. You are doing the right thing by seeking help. Just remember you are not alone!

    Answer by bjane01 at 10:00 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • As a rape victim myself, I understand what you are going through and I'm very glad that you are getting help for it. When you have nights like this, call someone you trust and try to talk or laugh and put your mind on something else if you can. My incident was 11 years ago and it was 3 years before I even told my sisters and mom. My dad still doesn't know to this day. It's hard to relive it in your head and try to move on, but in time you will.

    Best wishes.

    Answer by rio_burb at 10:24 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • When I was 18, I was raped and nearly beaten to death. He threw me on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere and I was found about 8 hours after the last I could remember. I was in the hospital for almost a week. It was absolutely horrifying. After this, I began to use men, for whatever they had. I slept with over 200 men in a year. (no bashing please, being promiscuous is a common thing after rape) I had horrible night terrors, I'm still afraid of the dark, I used to have flashbacks during sex and start beating on my partner. I was massively suicidal for about 2 years. I went to therapy, 3X a week, was put on every type of drug you can imagine. I was diagnosed with severe post traumatic stress disorder. (PTSD) It may be what you have. In my situation, its been 6 years now, I don't have nightmares or flashbacks, i'm not constantly suicidal or depressed. It took me, mentally growing stronger with time. I'm so sorry hun..

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:36 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • ANON 11:36 CON't
    You will be OK, it is just going to take time. It helped me tons to talk about it with safe and trusting people. I also, dated the wrong men. Finally, when I noticed my pattern I went for a different kind of man. Maybe not my picture perfect (in my head) man, but now, I am glad I did. He listens to me, he lets me vent about it when I need to... He 100% supports me and anything I need to heal. I would say do NOT rush into any relationships because if your anything like me, youll may sabatogh them right now anyways. You have to wait until you are ready, not tired of being alone, but ready to not be alone. I had to not only accept what happened to me, but I had to treat it as if it was part of my life before I was really ready to move on. I wish you the best of luck... your kids can be your solid ground, my DD was for me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:45 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.