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Advice if social services want to investigate your child?

My 18 month old son is very active (started walking at 6 months), and regularly gets bruises by running into stuff. Someone at our local playgroup reported it as suspicious to social services and now they want to investigate us - a month long "Core Assessment", involving multiple visits, indepth history of our whole lives, and picking over anything they think might be problematic.

Any advice from others who have been in this situation (or, indeed, who work for social services)?

There are aspects of our life we'd rather keep private (eg our sexuality and relationship), but we don't want to lie to them. How would they react to being told "none of your business" ?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:36 AM on Apr. 8, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • FIRST: DO NOT BE NERVOUS THEY WILL SEE THAT AND THINK YOU ARE HIDING SOMETHING.
    SECOND: Act normal they will ask you alot of general questions
    THIRD: they will watch how you act with your child and how your child acts with you and your husband
    LASTLY: if you need any other advice or to talk i can give you my number and you can call me anytime. I have been in that situation my son who is 7 has broken both his legs and arms he is a really ruff child and i know what you are going threw...send me and email so i can give you the number christaayres@hotmail.com
    downnoutmom

    Answer by downnoutmom at 10:47 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • I'm a little confused about what you mean by relationship. With an SO right? Ant way if you say none og your business they will see it as none cooperation. Depending on your case worker they may just see it as you are hiding something. Believe me you don't want that None cooperation can give them grounds for a more intense investigation. or even removal of the child depending on what questions you don't answer. As for the bruises if the child is 18 mnths and they don't see signs of physical trauma they will most likely chalk it up as the child being a child. Just cooperate or you'll cause more problems. I have dealt with case workers twice on false aligations.
    hot-mama86

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 10:48 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • Oh if you need any thing else you can message me.
    hot-mama86

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 10:49 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • I seriously doubt that your CPS is so well funded that they can spend a month on a case of baby bruises. I also wonder why they would be interested in your sex life. Either you have some very weird things to hide making you paranoid or you are a Nervous Nelly. I would expect them to watch the baby run around and fall down and leave in about 15 minutes.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:11 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • Well, I'm a post-op M-->F transexual, the first in the country to get married in a church, the first to have a child via surrogacy.
    We're also into BDSM (the 24/7 master-slave sort), with me as the collared slave of my husband who also has attention deficit disorder. We're both high IQ (of the 'post-doc at ivy league university' sort) with poor social skills, and our reactions and sense of humour just read funny to most people. Oh, and we're both open, sexually (with the consent of each other), though we havn't actually had the time or energy for fun play partners since having children, still it is there in our past, and we're on public record teaching safety workshops, campaigning for rights for BDSMers, talking about liberty, etc.

    So no, nothing to hide exactly, nothing that makes us bad parents or a danger to our child. But will your average social worker know that?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:16 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • get a lawyer.....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:52 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • I don't think they are going to care much about your and your SO's relationship they are worried about the baby. My ex's baby mama used to call CPS for the stupidest things on me (long story) anyway the best thing is to be honest and don't hide anything. IF they ask how he got bruises tell them look them in the eye be sincere about it. The thing is bruises from hitting and bruises from falling look different IMO. They will be placed different. If you stress too much they will see it. Try to stay calm and relaxed and if you have nothing to hide then just keep reminding yourself that.
    I don't see why they would be there for a month. Anytime she has called on me they came for 1 visit (about 30 mins) and realized it was false my son was fine and left.
    Also...they can't use sexuality against you they have to have a GOOD reason and proof to take your child not just that.
    momma2zac2006

    Answer by momma2zac2006 at 1:54 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • They already did the 30 minute visit. The woman who visited us, on the basis of that visit (or, rather, on what she found out about my past from my doctor who she contacted as standard practice), decided to move onto the next step of doing a "Core Assessment".
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:23 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • Well, I would tell the truth but probably not go into too much detail about the sexual stuff unless they ask specific questions about it. I think, given what you have said about yourself and your sexuality they may just want to make sure that this doesn't effect the kids after all. Just stay calm and be yourself, but probably try to stick with your public persona more that your private one. Try to show your "self" but in the most "mainstream" light possible.
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 2:33 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • If they have taken the "next step" then so should you; get a lawyer...yesterday. Check below for a referral. I would also contact an advocacy organization for whatever of your sexuality is of concern to CPS.


    http://www.falseallegation.org/services.htm

    happytexasCM

    Answer by happytexasCM at 2:47 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

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