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IS it all about the chase... or am I in love?

I met this guy online when I was 16. (I'm 24 now). We talked online and on the phone until the day after my 18th birthday when we met in person. He wasn't married and neither was I so it was okay. We always considered us to be just friends. We both had talked about more, but it never went anywhere. Three months after my 18th birthday, he started dating someone. Still, it wasn't serious or anything. (They weren't talking marriage) and I met my DH. I ended up marrying him at 19 and he married his GF after he got her pregnant. We still talk today and NO not about getting together. But sometimes, he's all I think about. My DH isn't a bad man, but not who I picture myself with forever. He's thinking of leaving his wife due to an affair. I think I might be in love with him, but I'm afraid it's because we can't be together right now. How do I know for sure? I dont' want to ruin our friendship but I do really think I'm in love withhim

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:08 PM on Apr. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • sounds a lot like something I have with a friend of mine. often I'm not sure that I can picture me and my DH together forever, but often I think that has more to do with the fact that the idea of picturing myself with someone forever often seems like a impossible task. But then that's a attitude I've developed more with age. all the breakups I witness.

    I think that fantasy about this man is healthy. have you considered acting out one of the fantasies with DH? If you think you may 'cross the line' be careful- but if you don't, then I say give yourself a break and have fun. Forever is a long time with one person.nothing wrong with having some fun in your mind.
    Sorry to burst your bubble, but I"ve got a lot of guy friends and I'm not surprised to hear that he told you he's thinking of leaving his wife due to a affair. That get's said a lot, and often isn't true. So I'd put no stock in that until he does it& u see proof.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:31 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • sounds like lust!!! and your marriege is not worth ending,this realation ship is not clean and you know this full well...be smart and cut him off.
    BUSYLOVINGHIM

    Answer by BUSYLOVINGHIM at 1:42 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • The grass is always greener in the neighbors yard.. but thats only cuz u cant see the dog poop from where u stand. Once u get in that yard u will notice the weeds and crap. Why did u marry your DH in the first place? I am sure because u love him. If it wasnt.. there is your 1st prob. U made a promise to love ur DH 4ever. through good and bad. I know its easy 2 say..harder 2 do. But really look at your situation. Maybe u are not getting the closeness from your DH that u get from ur friend. That doesnt mean u should leave DH. that means u should talk 2 him and let him know how u are feeling. and if your friend is dealing with an affair.. he will need plenty of time to heal from that b4 he needs 2 hop into another relationship. Keep him as your friend. If u guys did try and it didnt work..u would lose someone who has been a friend 4 years. Praying 4 your situation. this is JMO and u need 2 do whats best 4u and ur family :)
    Tzutchka

    Answer by Tzutchka at 1:49 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • Im with the others here. Get into counseling with a good marriage counselor. They can help you see the situation more clearly. If your husband is aware that the two of you are still talking, everyday,,,this could put a lot of stress on your marriage, and do you really want to hurt your husband this way?
    beyondhopes

    Answer by beyondhopes at 6:19 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

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