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DH and Delivery Room

I am being induced next Wednesday and my husband and I are fighting about what will go on in the delivery room. I feel like I need my mom there too but he says no. He wants his 5 year old daughter in the room but I don't. Our marriage is barely working as it is, we've already separated once b/c he chose to get drunk and not come home twice. He wants to name our son after himself. I want him to have his own name, especially since my husband and I say every other day that we're divorcing. He doesn't want me to have an epidural, I want one. I am anemic and have to take prescription iron which is $57. He told me today he wouldn't pick it up for me (I'm on bedrest) because it's too expensive. He was at the doctor with me when they explained how important it is that I take it, especially since I'm delivering in less than a week. But that doesn't matter to him. It's my birth experience and baby too, right?! What to do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:38 PM on Apr. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • At this point, I say leave him out of the delivery room. If he cannot respect your wishes and your fears about what is going to happen, then he does not need to be there. It will only add to your stress. You can tell the nurses that you don't want him there, and they will have security escort him out if need be.
    The birthing process is NOT about him. It is about YOU and YOUR BABY. You need to feel safe and at ease. The only way to do that is to make sure that it is set up for you to feel comfortable. If he cannot accept that, he does not DESERVE to be in the room with you. It's about YOU NOT HIM.
    PhoenixFire

    Answer by PhoenixFire at 1:41 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • don't even let him in the room. you can ask the hospital security to make him leave...he obviously doesn't care about you or your well being. divorce him the second you can because no one deserves to be treated that way
    aliishott2

    Answer by aliishott2 at 1:41 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • I don't think the delivery room is any place for a 5 year old. And the day he gets to push out a baby is the day he can decide on the epidural. Don't be rude just be firm, you are the one who is delivering not him. Tell him he can take his kid to his next prostate exam!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:43 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • You want my take? here it is... I had teh absolute worst experience of my life with my ex-husband, and my last birth... The actual birth went more smoothly than the prior two- but labor and the entire pregnancy was hell.

    He prevented me from making prenatal appointments because "it costs too much in fuel", refused to acknowledge when I was in labor because "you aren't making enough noise for it to actually hurt"... The list just gets worse, and more violent, so I'll stop there.

    If you want your mother there, then you NEED her. it is YOUR RIGHT to have who you want/need with you, and you can LEGALLY PREVENT HIM FROM ATTENDING THE BIRTH if you do not want to have him present. You MUST do what is in your best interest, because it is in your unborn child's best interest.
    also- he doesn't have much say in the name, YOU are the one who has to sign off on the birth cert- even if you're married. just an FYI
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 1:44 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • no way I would let a 5yr old in a hospital delivery rm. the iron is very important if he doesn't want u to hemoridge and die. And I hate when people name their kids after dad
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:45 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • Do whatever you want in the delivery room and with naming.
    awelling

    Answer by awelling at 1:45 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • Ok, first of all it is YOUR body, not his. If you want an epidural then you go right ahead and get one. He has no idea what child birth feels like and he never will. He cannot make that call for you.
    You let the doctors and nurses know that's what you want.

    Also on the same lines of it being YOUR body...if you dont want a five year old child in the delivery room with you then that's also YOUR choice. If you want your mom there then that's who should be there. YOU are the one going through labor and delivery and it should be all about YOU. If you will be more comfortable with your mom there and it will relieve some stress for you then that's how it's got to be.

    Call your mom and get her to pick up your meds for you.

    I would be feeling pretty good about divorcing someone who is as controlling and unsupportive as your husband seems to be.
    If he doesn't like it then he doesn't have to be there.

    Laila-May

    Answer by Laila-May at 1:46 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • As for naming the baby, why not use his name as a middle name. Or hell, it can be his first name but make his middle name what you want and call him by that. My cousin Phillip's first name is Richard after his dad but he's been Phillip his whole life which is his middle name.
    Laila-May

    Answer by Laila-May at 1:47 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • check with the hospital, many will not even allow children in the delivery room
    and does the 5 year old WANT to be there?
    peanutsmommy1

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 1:54 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • I agree check with the hospital regarding the rules on the 5 year old, in regards to your husband he sounds like a jerk but the fact is that is your husband and the father of the baby, you don't want to later on down the line regret not letting him be a part of an experience that he helped create and be there for. Maybe you need to have a heart to heart when you are both not upset with each other, of course now because of the situation neither will be willing to compromise on anything. If that doesn't work have your ob pull him aside and tell him the importance of your well being not only for you but for your baby-during the delivery if your body is stressed I am pretty sure it passed on to baby I think you should have your OB talk to him about the pros and cons about an epidural, good luck with this one and congrats, hope all goes well in delivery.
    LuvmyFam6

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 2:47 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

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