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First birthday woes.

My baby's first birthday is coming up, and we decided not to have a party, since he won't remember it anyway. So far I haven't ever had a holiday to myself with my LO - even when he was born, I only got about two hours to myself, which really bummed me out. My plan was to have his first birthday be a day with just myself, his father and him, since ever birthday hereafter he will remember more, and probably want friends and other guests. Well, my MIL invited herself over for LO's first birthday, and I don't know how to politely tell her that I don't want guests over. She is incredibly rude to me every time she comes to my house, and I just don't want to deal with it that day. If she feels she absolutely needs to come over, I was thinking 15 to 20 minutes max, but I don't know how to approach this subject with her without looking like a bitch.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:19 PM on Apr. 8, 2010 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (10)
  • the way i see it if my mil is going to be rude to me im going to be just as rude back. if she doesnt like it she can leave. tell her to come over the day after or something. or just lie and tell her you wont be home.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:22 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • Well, I told her I didn't want to have a party, because I wanted to have a good day, and that meant not entertaining guests. She got all huffy and asked if she was allowed over, and I told her if she wanted to stop by for a minute, that would be fine. I just know she is going to try to make it at least an hour visit though, and I just don't want to deal with her that day, or the day after, which is why I was trying to find a way to limit her to stopping in, and giving LO his present, and then leaving.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:25 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • i understand her wanting to see her grandbaby on his 1st bday. give her a time to come over, and when she gets there, tell her you have to leave in half an hour.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:36 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • I'd be devastated if I wasn't allowed to see my grandchild for their birthday. I'm sorry that you have problems with your MIL, but it sounds like she loves her grandson. My boys are the only grandchildren on both sides, you'd think they'd be spoiled rotten, but my MIL has never even bothered with them, although we live nearby. My own mom gives them a gift, but only comes to birthdays or events when they are convenient. I wish my boys had enjoyed doting grandparents. I don't know if you were close to your grandparents, but it can be so wonderful for kids.

    If you want to have the day with your l/o just the 3 of you, why not plan on doing something special, the zoo, a picnic at the park, something totally focused on them, & let her know you have plans, but I'd invite her for cake & to see the baby the next day....try to be the bigger person for your child, & maybe eventually she'll come around.....either way your child wins.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 7:51 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • I would say tell her to come the next day or that weekend and have her do something for him. She can get him a cake and balloons or whatever. he will love it and she can feel she did something with him.
    My son is 15 months now. his 1st bday we actually didnt even celebrate the actual day. We did end up doing just as you want. The next day we had a huge party with the family which I wanted because I would remember it. And the baby loved it.
    But just be honest, actually have your husband tell her also. Be there together and make sure he is on the same page with you.
    If shes mad, i guess oh well. It is your child and your choice.
    If she insists on seeing him after you explain to her then agree upon the 15 minutes so she atleast sees him but knows she has a special day planned for her with him.
    sassy_brizzy

    Answer by sassy_brizzy at 8:21 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • Tell her you will come to her - then you get to decide how long the visit is. She still gets to see him but not in your home. If she is rude to you, it won't get into the vibe of your own home. I know you mightn't want to hear this but the birthday isn't just yours, it is your DH's too, if he wants the In-laws to see the baby, then it isn't really fair to say no, but you can control how and where.
    Good Luck
    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 8:33 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • Then her dh needs to get his rear in gear about how his mother treats his wife. My dh doesn't have to talk me into seeing his mother.
    happytexasCM

    Answer by happytexasCM at 9:08 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • Just for all of you that think it's selfish of me to want this day to myself: the day my baby was born, which was supposed to be the most beautiful day of my life, my MIL came to the hospital right away, leaving less than 3 hours to enjoy tmy baby alone. She had been extremely rude to me, and justified the way she had treated me with the explanation that it was difficult for her treat me and others around her nicely because her grandbaby was overdue, and it was stressing her out. If that doesn't show you all just what she is like, then I don't know what will. After my MIL left the hospital, my husband freaked out because he wanted to sleep, but couldn't in our room with the baby, so, against my wishes, my baby was taken by the nurses for hours so DH could sleep, while I sat in my room alone. I want this day to myself, and I deserve this. Babies this age normally don't like large groups, and they don't remember the first bday.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:22 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • She's your MIL, have your husband talk to her. She is his responsibility. He can tell her that you have decided to have a family day for just the three of you on the birthday and that you would love to see her the next day for cake and ice cream, etc. either the day before or after
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 9:30 PM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • DH doesn't deal with his mother; he even made me tell her when we found out I was pregnant. I don't want her here for hours the day after DS's birthday either. I just want her to drop by for 15 minutes or less, and then leave. She was just over the other day, and I just can't handle the stress of another lengthy visit. She has no right to treat me the way she does, and shouldn't even be welcome in my house, but out of general respect for her as a human, I haven't cut her out of my life. I've never been rude to her, I've actually never told her that she can't come over before, even when she walked into my house at 9am without knocking, and slept on my couch, waiting to see her grandson.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:25 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

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