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I get called judgemental for trying to help a friend, she is in a horrible situation with her man and I gave advice?

and now she is saying Im being too judgemental...but all Im saying is the truth....that she shouldnt be with this guy and he is no good, he disrespects, lies, cheats, belittles and has brought down her self esteem so much its crazy..she has a baby with him and feels she wont do better. She keeps kicking him out and a week or two later he's back in the house...

She keeps running to me for advice and I try to tell her but she says I judge her but I just try to tell her that she can do better....the only time she calls anyway is when she has a problem in her life....and Im sick of it...sick of her...has anyone ever had a friend like this, she only calls u when she needs a shoulder to cry on...but other that that she's in lala land and cant see thru the rose colored glasses....I have a man too that treats me well and i know what its like to be treated like crap.My life has gotten 10x better since i left him, child and all


Asked by Divalish at 1:41 AM on Apr. 9, 2010 in About CafeMom

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Answers (8)
  • Somebody once said that you do not need to ever ask for advice because you already know the answer. Which I think is very true. I think women ask for advice from each other because we want someone else to tell us what we already know. It makes us feel validated some how. However, if you are going to ask you need to be prepared to hear the truth which may not be the advice you thought your friend(s) were going to give you. I haven't asked anyone for advice since I was told that & guess what? I no longer feel the need to anymore. I figure out things on my own and only ask advice from a professional if I am not able to find what I need from research. I search inside myself to make important decisions and I've discovered what I think & feel about things. Rather than relying on others for answers & validation. I rely on myself. I have more confidence & I truly value myself.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:29 AM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • You should try a different approach. I have my mom always telling me to leave dh but I love him. Also he isn't as bad as you described. Now my friend how ever never tells me to leave but gives me ways to correct it, or ex. sit. She never says more than he is a jerk. No body wants to be told to leave their man. Most of the time we just need some one to listen to us vent and just agre or encourage us it's not as bad as it could be. I'm not saying you did any thing wrong, I would want to say that to.

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 1:52 AM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • Sounds like a typical day on cafemom. Ask a question and get mad when someone answers! I think when there is a baby involved sometimes people are too scared to start over or think they can't do it on their own so they try to pretend that maybe it's not so bad. Deep down I am sure she knows your right, she's just not ready to come to terms with it.

    Answer by BlooBird at 2:04 AM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • Maybe instead of you telling her what you think she needs to know/hear, you should ask her what it is that she wants to do. Just listen. As women, you know that a lot of times all we want is for someone to listen when we are hurting.

    Answer by clhadley at 12:59 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • I think people should only ask for advice if they are willing to hear it. Sounds like she just wants you to say "oh poor you". That would bug the shit out of me and I probably wouldn't do anything to continue the relationship.

    Answer by EmilyandIsaac at 1:11 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • Next time she calls you and asks your opinion ask her if she truly wants to hear it.

    Answer by EmilyandIsaac at 1:12 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • Maybe you should be there for her and just liste, IF you can do that because it sounds like you are tired of her crap, which I totally understand, Howver, you have no right to tell her what to do, you are not in her shoes and who are you to tell someone to leave their SO? You are being judgemental and she called you on it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:03 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • Best to not say anything ever again. She needs to wake up!

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:41 PM on Apr. 9, 2010