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Did you "ask your kids permission" before you decided to have another baby?

My husband and I have been married for four years and have been secretly trying to get pregnant for 3 1/2 years. We decided to tell the news because I am going to be put on fertility meds. Anyways, my MIL first question was.. "Did you tell James?" My husbands 9 year old son. Of course, we had mentioned that one day he might have a little brother or sister, but didn't go into great detail about it. He seemed excited at the time. Anyways, my husband told her No, that when we got pregnatn we'd tell him. And she got mad!! Her reply was, "I can't believe you're making this big of a decision without asking him" Well, he's a child. And why should he get a say in what happens in terms of having another baby? My parents didn't ask me when they had my 3 younger siblings and his parents didn't ask him when they had his 2 younger brothers. Now, she won't even talk to us when we call or anything.

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:22 AM on Apr. 9, 2010 in Trying to Conceive

Answers (44)
  • Thats ridiculous!

    Answer by TMJ121099 at 10:24 AM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • wow....that is silly.

    my SO and I didn't try to get pregnant with our daughter, but even if we did try for more, we would not ASK my SKs or our DD....that is a decision between SO and I. Yes it affects them, but my SKs didnt seem to have a problem with us having our DD. they were very excited. I understand that some may disagree, but I dont plan to ask my kids if I can have more kids. That just seems strange to me i guess.

    I wouldn't worry about it. hopefully your MIL will get over you said, its not like she asked your DH if wanted another sibling. And I dont like telling kids they are going to get another sibling until after you know you are pregnant...

    Answer by aly38914290 at 10:27 AM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • um, no.

    Answer by babycakes254 at 10:28 AM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • No, we did not ask my daughter's permission before TTC, and I was in a similar situation to you; my daughter was older, my husband was her step-dad, and I had to use fertility drugs to get pregnant. I didn't tell my parents or in-laws either. I did reveal the pregnancy very early to my daughter because she was worried I might be very ill since I was spending so much time at the doctor's office.

    Maybe your MIL is very protective of her grandson and is feeling empathy for how she thinks she would feel in his place. My daughter is my mom's oldest grandchild, and she is very protective of her. I know your MIL's reaction is hurtful to you, but think of it this way - she will likely be protective of your child too once she knows him or her. I know you shouldn't have to do this, but I would recommend trying to offer your MIL some reassurance that her grandson will not fall by the wayside when the new baby comes. cont.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:36 AM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • Let your MIL know that you think James is a great kid and your baby will be lucky to have such an awesome big brother. I really believe she is just trying to protect her grandchild with whom she is already strongly bonded. GL!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:37 AM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • Dude had no idea till i started showing.. There is no since in bring them on this..

    Answer by ArlieBeeMee at 10:43 AM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • No. That's a decision for grown ups, not a child.

    Answer by missanc at 10:45 AM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • That is one of the silliest things I've ever heard. Children have no business making adult decisions.

    Answer by Bethsunshine at 10:46 AM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • Yeah, are you going to start asking him about your savings or paying bills next? Leave the adult choices to the adults.

    Answer by asaffell at 10:51 AM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • Go have a baby forget your MIL lol. Thats silly.
    What if he SAID no? I mean REALLY! lol

    Answer by ryanlynn at 10:54 AM on Apr. 9, 2010

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