Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Next Question, Please »
Answers / Parenting / Adult Children (18+)

Holy Crapoly... Jealous MIL question continued

I posted here a few days ago, about my MIL being jealous about my DH and I buying our first home. Everyone said she sounded jealous, and I agree. But I was wondering, anyone have any tips on how I can get my DH to understand that she is just being jealous, and that it isn't anything to do with HIM? He's been depressed since she said that, and has been going around asking his friends and family if he's acting like he's "better than everyone" (that is what she said he was doing). His mother has always been emotionally incestual towards him, treating him like he's her husband, not her son. She is just angry that we are moving out of state, away from her (for good reason), and she's purposely making him feel guilty for doing it. She KNOWS we have no way to buy a home HERE, we are moving to an area that is cheaper. But she doesn't care, she would be happy to see us in a rented trailer forever! How do I console him?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:24 PM on Apr. 9, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (7)
  • well well.. i see you didnt follow my double dare LOL!! Tell him that busylovinghim says he is not the problem and he should have not ounce of guilt for leaving..he is a good man taking care of his family,his mother is a control freak and a jelous mess because her life sucks!! and she thinks that making her son feel bad will do some good.SHE IS WRONG!!!!!! he dont need to go around asking anyone anything HE IS A GOOD MAN!!
    BUSYLOVINGHIM

    Answer by BUSYLOVINGHIM at 5:33 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

  •    I agree!!! YOU and your HUSBAND  DESERVE, hear me..DESERVE happiness with HIS NEW FAMILY.
    jblueeyes228

    Answer by jblueeyes228 at 5:46 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • OP - No, I haven't said anything to her (I avoid talking to her when I'm upset, because I know that getting upset with her will just end up coming back to haunt me). But I know that we are doing the right thing- this woman has made us both miserable for years, and our biggest reason for moving IS money, but our second biggest reason is HER. She has been controlling and manipulative and degrading and mean to DH since he was little, and we do NOT want her doing that to OUR son. So we are escaping... But she has him pretty torn up about going - he isn't upset about leaving HER, but she has him convinced that his whole family is mad at him for going, and that his friends hate him, etc... Its insane. None of them care but her. We haven't spoken more than a few times a year to the people SHE says are mad at us... Ugh... Its so draining, being a part of this family! Lol...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:48 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • WOW! That has to be rough. Words only have the power we give them. Your MIL can not hurt your husband unless he permits it. Remind him your son is important and he shouldn't be hurt by a grandma who is only concerned w/ what matters to her. America was built on people working hard and not being afraid to take chances, maybe your husband will understand better once you move.
    CorrinaWithrow

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 11:40 PM on Apr. 11, 2010

  • Once you are gone he'll adjust and feel better when he's away from her. Some moms just like controlling. Tell him to be proud of what he's accomplishing. Many people never get to buy their own home. Tell him I'm old and I say he's doing the right thing and I'm proud of him even if she's not.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:34 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • My MIL isn't jealous of her sons, it is the opposite, they don't rate compared to her "darling" daughters. I have been able to see it for years (married 31 years), he never could. About two years ago he caught her actually lying to him about family issues at his sisters wedding, that finally opened his eyes. Now he and his brother look back on events in the past with much better understanding. Point is, you wont be able to convenience him that his mother is doing him wrong, he will eventually have to recognize it or himself. Just be there to support him when he does.
    emptynstr

    Answer by emptynstr at 2:51 PM on Apr. 15, 2010

  • sorry to say this, but you don't console him...the reason I say this is because your dh is a grown man, and he has to learn for himself how to not allow "Mother" to get the best of him...if she's jealous, then let her be jealous...if she's upset that her son is moving out of state "allow" her to be upset...someone has to be the "wise" adult here and learn to let some things roll off your back in order to enjoy your life and the new journey you're about to go through...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 11:44 AM on Apr. 19, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
Answers / Parenting / Adult Children (18+)