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I need your help working this one through

Here is the situation. Last week my husband went to the store by himself to pick up a few things. While he was waiting in line to check out a woman approached him. She told him she thought he is hot and asked for his number. He gave her his cell number. A few mins after he left she started texting him. She asked him right away if he had a girlfriend, he said yes (we are married). Then she asked about kids and he told her he has two. They still continued to text back and forth for the next 3 hours. During that time he was home and together with the kids and I. He must have turned his cell on silent so I wouldn't know he was texting anyone. That night he said he had something to tell me. He told me everything that had happened and said he felt terrible about it. continued

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:24 PM on Apr. 9, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • He said he felt like he betrayed me and had led her on. He said the only noteworthy thing said between them was that they talked about meeting up sometime the next week but didn't make any solid plans. He had already deleted all of the texts, so I can only go off of what he tells me. I don't know any of this for sure. We do share a family cell phone account. So I can see how many texts were sent back and forth, and can see that there were no picture messages involved.

    When he first told me I was actually happy. I was happy he told her right away he was in a relationship with kids. I was happy for him, I remember the flattering feeling you get when a stranger hits on you. But then I found out that this was more than just 4 or 5 texts. That it went on for 3 hours. And during those hours he took measures to hide it from me. He says he was "caught up in a moment". I think 3 hours is WAYY beyond a "moment".

    cont
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:25 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • I have felt just about every emotion about this situation. I don't really know what to do from here. I don't feel as if I can trust him. I know he did do the right thing in the end, but it shouldn't have gone that far in the first place. It was more than just not thinking for a "moment". It was decieving me and hiding the fact that he was texting another woman.

    He has apologized over and over. He has said that I deserve better than this and that there won't be a next time. I am still feeling very hurt, disrespected, and betrayed. I am questioning if I can trust him and believe what he is telling me. I know the actual offense wasn't the end of the world, but I can't help but wonder if there is a deeper meaning to all of this. Like he wants to be young and single again. To be able to go out and hit on any hot chick he sees. To not have to worry about the responsibility and commitment of a wife.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:25 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • "He said he felt like he betrayed me and had led her on."

    He is correct, and he needs to see a therapist STAT. At this moment, he is not worthy of your trust...he needs to get to work to make himself that way.

    The WHYs don't matter as much as the fact that he DID it. Let a therapist deal with the WHY...the main WHY is that you have an immature man who needs help. All you need concern yourself with right now. YOU did nothing wrong...HE did. Time for him to get help to fix it.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 5:29 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • maybe you guys should seek counseling- there is probably more going on than what it seems. I don't mean that he is cheating, but he is obviously having some issues.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:31 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • OP

    Thank you gdiamante. I have read many of your responses here and really respect your opinions.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:32 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • in the end he did do the right thing. we all make mistakes. and sometimes it is nice to talk to someone and feel like you still "have it" texting someone is not the end of your relationship.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:53 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • He should have said right away at the store , I'm married and not even gave his number.. But that is a good sign he told you right away.. I would keep an eye on him check his phone and computer from time to time, if all it takes is a little flattery from a stranger to give out his number then there is something wrong with him or your relationship.

    kjfamily

    Answer by kjfamily at 6:02 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • First, I would have loved it if he had just said he was flattered but married and not given her number, but since he did I have to say that he was more of a man than most when he fessed up to what had happened. He was straight up with you. Of course you are going to feel betrayed and hurt, you were betrayed, even if momentarily. What he did was wrong and it is a sign that other things may be going on. It's time for a long talk (or maybe several) about life. Sometimes when we settle down and have been married for a while we need an ego boost and someone else finding us attractive and flirting with us gives us that boost. Problem is that it can also lead to unwanted trouble. Talk about this with him. You'll probably find that though he didn't want it to go anywhere (considering he told you) he did need a little ego boost. In the day to day crap of life things get pushed aside and we look for old feelings, but you two can talk...
    AWomansMind

    Answer by AWomansMind at 6:26 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • about this and you two can find ways to spice up your own relationship. I would also be flattered that someone was hitting on my man...and tell him this! He needs to know that you still find him sexy and that when other women see him as sexy it's a great thing. But, that he would go to the extent of giving out his number and texting her is not acceptable and you two need to decide what to do about that together.
    AWomansMind

    Answer by AWomansMind at 6:27 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • oh for goodness sakes, therapy isn't required. A woman was attracted to him. It boosted his ego. He got caught up in it. We all would have. He saw the error of his ways and he told you. It probably scared the crap out of him that it went on for so long (3 hours). Let it go. He's a good man who needed an ego boost at that moment. He's fine now.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:30 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

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