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Regarding domestic violence: If you were in a relationship for 7 years & your man ended up beating you up but was always loving to his kids, would you still let him see them? Read below for more....

Our relationship was really good in the beginning and we were so in love. Then over the years he became emotionally abusive (but I didn't even realize it until the past year or so). Then just a couple months ago he was drunk and I was sleeping and he woke me up talking crazy and started choking me and then started punching me in the face. It was a whole big ordeal, the kids woke up & witnessed some of it & I called the police & he went to jail for a few days. I took my kids and we moved out of state. Now I need to figure out how to deal with visitation. I know he loves them a lot but I'm not really trusting him anymore after what he did. Would court ordered supervised visitation be best? Has anyone else gone through this? Any opinions would be great. Thanks.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:06 PM on Apr. 9, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • My ex was abusive also, Yes it didnt happen overnight, it happened gradually, over years. It just gets worse, never better. My ex went to jail for a year and couldnt see our children for almost a year when he was on probation. Then the courts gave him supervised visitation for 6 months. We went through the suicide threats, we went through the promise of change, we went through counseling and anger management classes. Once an abuser, always an abuser....Hell, on the court house steps on the day of our divorce he was begging me to reconsider. Never,,,my kids had been through too much, I would not go back to that life. My ex never touched the kids either,,,but it was what they had witnessed that kept my resolve firm.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:42 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • Yes court ordered supervised visitation would be the best
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:08 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • Its up to the courts not you
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:10 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • The least I would agree to is supervised visits...but I don't think I would want him seeing them period. Drunk or not, a person that does something like that has SERIOUS and I mean SERIOUS problems that could very easily turn into a problem for your kids. Not to mention their view of their father is ultimately changed forever after what they saw. Children do not need people like that in their life in my opinion...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:13 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • Its completely up to you, domestic violence is not taken lightly trust me I know Ive been through a simular situation and I put him in jail for it. Ive got full physical legal custody and he gets 3rd party visitation. You have to protect your children, he could be mentally sick or maybe hes always had this evil streak either way its not a safe situation. my opinion is have court ordered visits and have them reccomend anger management and parenting classes. If he shows that hes trying to make a change then maybe share custody.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:22 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • OP here: I know, he does have serious problems. He even became suicidal after or at least led me to believe he was. My kids really want to see him and I think that's the hardest part for me. They will always love him because he is their daddy. My youngest is only 1 so he doesn't really know what's going on yet but my older one does know. I just want what's best for my kids.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:22 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • if he has never done it before in all the years then who knows,maybie he took something and clearly learned his leason since you called the cops.Any how if he has always been good to the kids then i wouldnt worry....i mean really think about it if it would have been you doing this to him..im possitive every girl power chic on here would have told you its ok to get angry and punch em up and none would question your parenting skills at all am i correct??? i look at it the same way,what he did is wrong and he very much deserved jail time,but if has always been a good father you cant all of the sudden question his parenting skills.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:24 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • I would try for the most to protect your kids. If he did this to you with no provocation, what might he do to a screaming child or a bratty teenager when no one was looking? Try for no visits, the court will give you whatever it feels is right, which is hard to say.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:25 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • To the one that has full custody... did you get an attorney or do it yourself through the court? Also he is taking anger manag classes and is supposed to for one year. He's gone to 3 or 4 so far.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:26 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • He did hurt his children when they witnessed what he was doing to you! That had a huge impact on them hon. They may even be suffering with Post tramatic stress disorder b/c of what they witnessed. Imagine how they felt when they saw him hitting you. You dont think they are scared of him now? He should not be alone with them, he should be monitored during visitation. They do need to be protected from him. ITS not just up to the courts to decide on monitored visitation or no visitation,,,you have a voice and you can tell the judge what you want and need for you and your children. Did you get an RO on him when he was in jail? We have a domestic violence group here in cafe mom, actually a few groups. Join one and learn as much as you can about dv and your rights,,,good luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:29 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

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