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Should I feel bad to not want my fiance around my single mom friends?

Ok so here is my problem. I am a young mom. I'm 20 almost 21 and I have a beautiful 15 month old daughter. My finace and I have been together for five years and I have one specific friend that has a daughter born 3 days before our daughter and she is a single parent. She raises her daughter by herself and I love hanging out with her so we can have mommy time and the girls can have kid time. However, I try to plan our "play dates" when my finace is at work because I know it makes her feel down when she sees how good of a father my fiance is and she wishes her daughter had that. However, I feel I'm in the wrong to not have my fiance be apart of our play dates when he gets off work early because he's all about our daughter, but at the same time I feel that she gets upset when she sees my fiance and our daughter playing. How should I really feel about this? HELP PLEASE :)

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Asked by KotaElle at 3:06 PM on Apr. 10, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (11)
  • I think you are over thinking it. I think it's great that you are sensitive to both of their feelings and if i were you i would set the play dates up whenever it is convenient. She is going to have her feelings about wanting a father figure for her child no matter if your DF is around or not. Just like i always wish my husband was home no matter if i'm hanging around my civilian couple friends or not. She will deal with it. it's part of the life she's living.

    Answer by outstandingLove at 3:13 PM on Apr. 10, 2010

  • It's not your problem - so don't make it your problem :) And I don't mean that to sound snarky at all - - - - I promise! Talk toy our friend about it and find out how she really feels, since right now you seem to be just guessing. If she doesn't have a problem, that's great! If she does, let her know that you feel badly about it, and that you enjoy your girl time with her, but that you can't always keep your fiance out of his little girl's activities. And remind her that it will be good for her little girl to see a strong daughter-daddy bond in action.

    Answer by TiffanyMarie80 at 3:16 PM on Apr. 10, 2010

  • If she's really your friend, then she should be happy for you. Period.

    Answer by BridgetC140 at 3:19 PM on Apr. 10, 2010

  • I completely agree with all of you. My DF is always around in everthing we do and I am so thankful for that. I think that she understands and I don't think that she would be "MAD" about it I just don't want her to feel out of place. I know she is happy for me that I have him here for us and I think she knows that her daughter needs a good father figure I just don't want her to feel out of place that's all. You all answered what I was thinking! You moms are the best!

    Answer by KotaElle at 3:23 PM on Apr. 10, 2010

  • I think you should just be "natural" about it...If you are home at times when your daughter's father is at work and your friend is available during those times and you want to get together for some mommy & me time, then do that. If you and your fiance are open to having her join you when you are doing something with your daughter together then invite her. Don't exclude her just because she is single, but give her chances to get together with just you once in a while too....

    Answer by BJoan at 3:41 PM on Apr. 10, 2010

  • Right. I completely understand that side of it too however, my fiance ALWAYS wants to be involved in everything and he understands when he have girl time too he doesn't mind either way and she's never said anything personally to me just see some of her comments online to her friends about how sad it is when her friends kid's dads are more involved in her daughters life then her own dad and it makes her feel bad because she feels like she the one to blame. I have had several talks with her about that she can't changes things in the past and she's the mom and dad for her child at the moment I just think she's going through a hard time however, she has a lot of friends that are single parents too so I think it helps that she sees she's not the only one going through it :)

    Answer by KotaElle at 3:44 PM on Apr. 10, 2010

  • You chose a certain way and she chose different... how is that your DD fault? why should you feel guilty? and what kinda friend gets mad that others are happy??? thats not a real friend.

    Answer by BUSYLOVINGHIM at 3:49 PM on Apr. 10, 2010

  • No it's not that she gets mad at all! I just wanted to see others point of view, she's a great friend and she sees that we're I guess you can say more fortunate for our daughter that she has her dad in her life I think it may be more of an uncomfortable feeling when she's around both of us she always tells me how lucky I am and how happy she is for me. And I know that's how she truly feels I just won't keep him away from the play dates because he loves her daughter to death to you know?

    Answer by KotaElle at 3:52 PM on Apr. 10, 2010

  • No you shouldn't. If my friends did that for me in the last 13 years, I would never see some of my friends. I have been a single mom for 13 years and I would be OFFENDED if my friends did that. I am sorry, but if she is bothered by it she needs to get over it because they are married people or couples ALL OVER THE WORLD.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 8:49 PM on Apr. 10, 2010

  • You need to try to figure out why you are so insecure?

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:42 PM on Apr. 10, 2010

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