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Thinking about starting over, but don't know if I should?

I was in a relatonship for almost 5yrs (17-22) It started off verbally abusive and ended in physical abuse. I have now been single for 12months, I've had 2 little flings if I can even call it that one back in Jun 09 and early of this year. Each lasting a month. I am now 23&have a 3 y/o son. Since leaving my ex in 09 I have had a hard struggle, I am now working and on my way to standing on my two feet, even though it took me a year to find a job. I wanted to be in over drive mode, focus soley on a job/career and degree, but thats totally impossible. I'm human and I have feelings. I never let the past two guys get into my head. mainly it was just sex but as I've found out I am not cut out to be somebody's boot call. I expect more, I deserve more, But I find myself so afraid to even date and start another relationship b/c of the past. But I do want to do things the right way, no sex for at least 3months, date, spend time (cont.)

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:46 PM on Apr. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • together, introduce my son, meet each other families. The right way. I met someone about 2ewwks ago, and its extremely early, but he has potential. He has a car, his own place, a degree, and he isn't ghetto (I hate ignorance) I like his style, he's not materialistic, and he talks sense. Now, I still need to find time to get to know him more, but either way I'm afraid. Afraid that he's not going to be the one and I end uo disappointed and Afraid that he's actually as good as he appears and I end up falling for him. As long as I'm not in a realationship I feel that I have total control over the situation and iI don't know how to get over it b/c its not just with him is with anyone I meet. I don't want to feel taking advantage of in any aspect whether its using me for financial reasons, sex, or just using me period. I'm so unsure of what to do. I had one bf before my sons father which was intimate, so I never dated never (cont)

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:46 PM on Apr. 10, 2010

  • on dates in highschool, never dated my ex it was always going to his house. He was too damn cheap evn though we were in a real relationship. So, I'm afraid of going out, don't no where to go. I don't know how to act. How to dress, wear heels, or makeup (stems from my ex's controlling ways) On top of that i'm shy and quiet, but I don't want to pass up an opportunity if its coming my way. Any advice on what should I do? And this is more than trying to be with someone I just met 2weeks ago, there's no way in hell I'm going think we're going to live hapily ever after. But I do want to know what are the steps to getting back out there or should I say starting to get out there in the dating world. I do know that I'm not going to have anyone come to my house or interact with my son, I don't want to be that kibd of mom. Only if I decide that the guy is relationship worthy and before we become intimate will that issue aruse (cont)

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:47 PM on Apr. 10, 2010

  • I'm just looking for advice on the basics, reassurance, and tips on breaking out of my shell. Please no negative comments this is not why I came here. Had I had another outlet (unfortunately I have no sisters) I wouldn't have typed all of this on cafemom. Thanks!

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:48 PM on Apr. 10, 2010

  • any situation like this is going to be scary. there is always a posibility of it failing, but it could also work out. just go slow and dont do anything that you are not comfortable with or that would not be in the best interest of your son. oh and stop asking strangers for relationship advice.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:50 PM on Apr. 10, 2010

  • P.S. sorry for all the typos, should of proof read first (original poster)

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:52 PM on Apr. 10, 2010

  • Go slow, you sound intelligent, I'm sure you're a knock out, so don't stress too much, if he's someone worth having then he will love you for you. Also remember if it doesn't work out then it wasn't ment to be, so let him go. Definatly take your time introducing him to your son, kids can be very hurt over break ups. And don't forget to enjoy yourself! (get a good B.O.B to take care of the sexual side of things) GL :)

    Answer by gypsymama532 at 10:37 PM on Apr. 10, 2010

  • Look dont let the past run your life. You are smart don't be the one to chase him let him be the one to chase you. When you go out the man needs to pay not you he needs to empress you then that way you don't feel like he using you for money. and another thing is if he talk about sex then you will know that thats all he wants you for. Stay strong. And let them know in the begain how you want to be treated. GL.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:41 PM on Apr. 11, 2010

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