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Two Guys! HELP!

So, I am new to the dating thing. I was married to my college sweetheart and we split 2 years ago. I recently (6 mos) started dating on-line. I've met some really great guys - and some not so great. There are two men that I have taken a liking to. Being that I have never dated multiple people before I am at a loss as to what to do, if anything. I am going to assume that when dating on-line it is assumed to date multiple people. You seasoned daters out there, I need your sage advice. When do you decide to exclusively date someone? When online dating do you have to tell someone you are daitng others or is it assumed? Did you ever have to "pick?" If so, how?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:30 PM on Apr. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Well first of all, if you are looking for a loving relationship, this IS NOT a good idea. It's going to tell the guys that you are not looking for commitment, but rather sleeping around. You only get what you put out there so to speak. If you are serious, you need to look for ONE person that feels the same as you. TRUST ME.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:38 PM on Apr. 11, 2010

  • Good Point Anonymous 3:38. But I can assure you I am not sleeping with either. I was under the assumption that with on-line dating you are dating/talking to different people. I met both these guys at the same time and have gone out with each 3 times. I am also assuming that they are dating others as well. You point is so well taken, which is why I've posed my question. Thanks for your reply! ;)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:43 PM on Apr. 11, 2010

  • If you are just talking to them on line. You can just talk to who ever you want. As many guys as you want. It is just like regular dating, in person dating. You can date as many guys as you want. As long as you are not sleeping with them all. There is no commitment .

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 3:49 PM on Apr. 11, 2010

  • Just because you are talking to them online doesnt meant they assume you are dating them OR that when you do start dating it won't be exclusive. You need to be up front about it. Let them know you don't want to make anything exclusive or serious until you get to know them in person...assuming you plan to do that at some point.
    I started dating my now husband online and I'd be pissed if he had assumed I didnt want to date exclusively. Its no different than dating offline.
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 3:53 PM on Apr. 11, 2010

  • Ladies! Thank you for your replies!! To be clear, I have met both men in person and have gone out on dates with them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:02 PM on Apr. 11, 2010

  • When I started dating my now husband there was no expectation that we were dating exclusively until we talked about it. In fact, he knew there was another guy I was casually dating. Until you talk to a guy about it, there is no expectation of exclusivity.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:47 PM on Apr. 11, 2010

  • Dating is dating which means there is an assumption that there are others until it is clearly stated by both sides that you want it exclusive. Never settle for someone just bc he's there. Find the right guy before you let go of others. I still had others even after I met and knew SO was the guy I wanted. It kept him from taking me for granted and it kept me from being emotionally dependent (needy and clingy) toward him.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:40 PM on Apr. 11, 2010

  • I am of the mindset that a parent should not get into a commited relationship until the kids are grown. I am not opposed to dating and having fun, but the confusion it creates for a child is just not worth it in my book. Keep your dating life and your children separate for a VERY long time - at least until they are older teens.

    Your kids should be your #1 priority right now - you DO need to "recharge your batteries" now and then, and going on a few dates with a man who makes you feel beautiful is not a bad thing, I just think when two parents split up, the decision to split should come along with a decision not to get remmaried, or bring "significant others" into their children's lives - at all.

    THAT BEING SAID - my "sage advice" comes from my experience as a stepmother - yes, you heard that right - I married a man with children from a previous marriage. It was a mistake. His children suffered greatly for it.
    texassahm

    Answer by texassahm at 6:15 PM on Apr. 11, 2010

  • Texassahm just because a mom dates doesn't mean she is putting her kids on the backburner, 2nd priority level. I'm sure some women do that but certainly not all. To ask a mother to wait 18+ years to find a partner is kind of absurd IMO unless she just can't handle it. A good single mother can date responsibly and not traumatize her children. All situations don't turn out like yours did and just because you had a bad experience doesn't mean that is the norm.

    And OP when you say "dating" consider if you are talking about sex too. I know everyone said its not exclusive unless you talk to them about it, but I think it should be talked about either way and never assumed...especially when sex and falling in love are involved.
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 2:07 AM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • I just play around with as many worms as I can as long as I can and try not to decide. But if I did decide I'd choose the one that watched the most porn.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:16 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

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