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I'm afraid for my sister's kids. Input please?

I have strong reasons to believe that my sister and her husband are strung out on painkillers. Their house is disgusting, we're talking animal poop everywhere, weeks-old dishes in the sink, no one cleans ANYTHING, laundry piled up so high it's literally a fire hazard, dead animal carcasses from the cats hunting, etc... think the pictures from Phil Garrido's house or worse). My oldest niece gets made fun of because she stinks all the time. Their youngest is skin and bones. They never have food in the house. The kids eat at school or at their grandmother's house or they don't eat at all. My sister sleeps ALL THE TIME.

I know a lot of this is caused by depression. A lot of it is addiction to painkillers. I want everyone in that house to GET HELP. My sister had her two oldest taken once before because of similar issues, and always said she wishes someone would have talked to her before calling CPS. CONT


Asked by Anonymous at 4:22 PM on Apr. 11, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (36)
  • It sounds like hinting isn't going to work. Some people need to be beaten with the obvious stick (metaphorically speaking... don't actually get a stick). Tell her straight exactly as you just told us. Tell her that conditions are resembling the situation she was in when her kids were taken and she needs to straighten up her act and get clean or she'll loose her kids again. Be as blunt, but kind as possible. Offer to take a weekend trip to help her clean the house but make sure she knows that she needs to take responsibility for her addiction ASAP for the sake of her family.

    If she still doesn't comply and shows no signs of change, then call. It's the best thing for all of them. Separation is hard for the kids, but at least they'll see that there are consequences to their actions (by example of their mother I mean).

    Answer by beckcorc at 11:03 PM on Apr. 11, 2010

  • We've all tried to hint, we've all tried to help, but nothing is helping. I live in another state, and don't know if I should call CPS or try to talk to my sister about it first. How am I going to know she shapes up even if I DO talk to her first? I can't go over and check on her, and no one else in my family will do that either.

    They all need help. They all need counciling, and the kids need a reasonably clean, safe environment where they actually get fed.

    Is foster care and separation really better for them?

    Do I try to talk to my sister or do I call CPS anonymously and hope she never figures out it was me? I love her so much, I just want to help, but nothing I do or say has ever made any difference.

    What do you think? What would you do if this was YOUR sister and her kids?

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:28 PM on Apr. 11, 2010

  • Just remember if you call CPS, the children will be put in foster care... I know that would probably be better than what they're living in right now but maybe come up with a plan. Call her, set up a time when you can see her face to face. Or if you feel it's urgent, ask her if you can have her kids over for a weekend and then take action to report them etc.. I really don't know much on this, or how to go about it but I would be very careful getting the state involved, once a child becomes a ward of the state it's very hard to get them out of it... GL Maybe call your local social services and ask them for some advice on how to help....

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 4:29 PM on Apr. 11, 2010

  • report annon. She will get a chance to get them back if she takes care of her, but in the mean time those kids deserve better.
    good luck!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:31 PM on Apr. 11, 2010

  • well sit down with her & her hubby & maybe some other family members who agree they need help & have an intervention.
    tell them & allow others to tell them about the concerns.. then everyone pitch in clean up the house, and fill their fridge.. maybe offer to take the kids for a little bit until your sister & hubby gets help for their depression. your her family help her & get other in the family to help fold that laundry, clean the dishes, throw away the dead animals etc.. it may be overwhelming for her.

    Answer by maiahlynn at 4:33 PM on Apr. 11, 2010

  • CPS call them!

    I would miss my nieces and nephews DEARLY! You can't think about how you'll miss them though, do what's right for them. Call CPS for them. If they parents shape up, it's VERY likely they'll get their children back. Judges really want to keep the families together as much as possible.

    If it were my sister I'd call CPS in a heartbeat because it's not about her, i'm not going to take her feelings into consideration here. I would take into consideration the well being of the children and them only. Imagine how they feel? Can you imagine that. I could cry forever imagining children in situations such as this.

    If you do nothing, things will get worse! before they ever get better!

    It's a hard thing to do! You're a great aunt that you're looking into your options here! That's very admirable. Now think about the kids nothing more and call CPS.

    Answer by Skepticchick at 4:35 PM on Apr. 11, 2010

  • OP here

    MrsLeftLane, I would LOVE to talk to her face to face, but I live in Arizona nd she lives in Colorado. There's no way :( I've been talking to my mom about it and she won't talk to her. She's non-confrontational and doesn't want to get in the middle of it.

    I know that they'll go to foster care... that's what has kept me from calling up until this point.

    Will local DHS be available to talk about this with me? Or do they need ot have names and such? If I call will they walk me through what they can do for them?

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:35 PM on Apr. 11, 2010

  • I think you need to report this. This sounds like VERY bad situation and nothing you say to her is going to change things. But why would you consider letting them go into foster care instead of caring for them yourself? Is that an option for you. Family is always better than the system no matter how temporary the situation.
    But I think its important to report this because the children are really suffering here. Report it before something worse happens to the children.

    Answer by MamaChamp at 4:36 PM on Apr. 11, 2010

  • ok so I just read you live in a different state & your don't think your family will help.. if you love your sister you will take a vacation from work go to where she is & help her get her house in order.. talk to your family try to get them to help .. your sister needs help so help her don't involve CPS you may never see you nieces/nephews again & it certainly won't help her with her depression if she looses her kids. maybe a local church could help also..

    Answer by maiahlynn at 4:38 PM on Apr. 11, 2010

  • Search out your heart for the answer. I know that there is one already there. You just have decide whether or not to go that route.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:38 PM on Apr. 11, 2010