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Am I insecure because I think my DH may cheat?

Is it my insecurities or the fact that I don't want it to happen again. Almost every guy that I have lived with has cheated on me...one with some random girl the other with each of our roommates that we had (yes he cheated on me multiple times with different people and this is also the guy of 2 of my children). Of course my DH has not cheated on me (as far as I know anyway). People tell me that I am insecure because I'm concerned I will be cheated on by my DH. He hasn't given me any real reason to be concerned but I'm always worried. So what do you think? Am I insecure or is it just that I've built this protective barrier so I feel I need to make sure it doesn't happen again?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:30 AM on Apr. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • its probably trust issues. maybe you should see a therapist.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:34 AM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • Its fine to feel like that just dont accuse him of it. He shouldn't be punished for something he didn't do. You gotta go into every new relationship starting fresh.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:42 AM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • I've never accused him but he says some of my actions make him feel like I am accusing him. Some of the actions I used to do is looking through his phone and I used to check his email, facebook, myspace and if any girls were added that I didn't know I would ask him about them (like who are they, how did you meet). Since he brought up his concern that he feels like I am all ready accusing him I've backed off. But it still eats at me that it could happen and now I'm not protecting myself by seeing it coming. It pisses me off that I am this way. Suppose I do have trust issues...but it's not because of him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:48 AM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • You should talk to him about your fears and how it really doesn't have anything to do with him or the way he's acted. Just that you have been conditioned to expect that out of a relationship.
    And then seek some therapy or find self help books to help you overcome this issue. And hopefully he will do some research about ways he can help you.

    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 1:09 AM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • I see where you're coming from, but it's not very fair.

    Look at it like this - would YOU ever cheat on him? How would you feel if, because of the actions of some other woman that you probably didn't even know or like, your dh didn't trust you?

    I agree, it might be good if you can find someone to talk to about this, to help you figure out either how to be more trusting with your dh, or why it is that you keep picking men that can't be trusted (and whether or not your dh is one of them - like if he's ever given you a reason to make you suspicious, or if it's just your past making you be insecure about the relationship.)

    good luck to you both with this!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 5:08 AM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • I think you have some trust issues, but hopefully nothing too major. I don't think it's terrible to know in the back of your mind that something *could* happen. It doesn't mean that you have to always confront or accuse the guy, you're just being realistic in that case. I know that at any time I *could* get in a car accident, but I still drive and I don't freak out in or at my car lol. I guess it all depends on how you treat your dh.

    -xoxo-

    Answer by -xoxo- at 7:03 AM on Apr. 12, 2010

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