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Dad asked, "When are you going to have success in your life?"

I've been trying to find a career in the Kansas City area for the last twenty years. I have an extensive resume. But, finding a sustainable and livable job has been really hard. Since the nineties, I have been through three layoffs. The layoffs (or forced to quit) include Montgomery Ward, Sprint, and a finance job in a SBA loan office. Since then, I tried to reconcile with my dad (after many years of silence) in Texas, and to find a career in a better economy. All he did was to compare me to my military half-brother. (Almost everyone I know is in the military, or trying to get in.)

Saying "Just forget your dad" is much harder to do than in reality. We all desire to have family ties. How do I put a conclusion to finding that blood is not thicker than water?

Thanks in advance

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:29 AM on Apr. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • obviously blood is thicker than water bc if that was not your dad and just a friend i'm sure you would not be trying to put all of this energy into saving the relationship. if my daughter has not had a decent and reliable job in 20 years i would be asking her when she's going to have success too. not bc i don't love her or bc i'm mean, but bc every parent wants the best for their kids. i think your dad is bringing up the military thing bc that is a more secure field in his mind and he's trying to help you find something stable. i don't think your dad is being mean or nasty to you, but that's jmo from what you have written here.

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 10:39 AM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • Look I've always had problems with my Dad, he drank his way through life and i chose to live. If you desire a connection with him you need to know your boundries. Do not bring up things you know will make him say things you dont want to hear. If he brings up the job search just say its going well and dont worry about it. You need to be in control. if he goes off in a tangent tell him you'd rather not discuss it. You're a big girl now, Daddy cant just go off on you, you must make him respect your boundries and once that happens you might have a better relationship if nothing else you will have more respect for yourself.

    Answer by LogansMama09 at 11:01 AM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • Men tend to like to fix things and if you have been complaining to him or he sees your struggle, he most likely just wants to see you do well. Just tell him that you need him to support you and not judge you. If he wants to judge you tell him to keep it to himself.

    Answer by bjane01 at 11:10 AM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • You sound like you have had some good jobs. He may hear you complaining or worrying about money and he doesnt know how to give support. Men always tend to give advice instead of just listening. We all want not only a relationship but appoval from our parents. You have to learn to be happy and content within yourself and not baseyour feelings on how he feels about your sucesses or failures. Maybe he is just an overly critical person. Love yourself and focus on your life and consider if his opinions have any fact to them. If you have messed up then be honest with yourself and him and be the best you can be. If he is just harsh and their is no basis for his judgement then know thta within yourself. When he says soemthing just say to yourself in a sing-song voice "here he goes again..too bad he is an a** :)"

    Answer by ria7 at 11:15 AM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • You dad was NEVER satisfied with me. College graduate, great career, married, nice house, wonderful son...but something was always MISSING as far as he was concerned.

    I used to worry about it. Then I realized it was HIS issue, not MINE...I was HAPPY in myself. And once I decided that I could NOT define "success" by his terms but rather by my OWN...I was able to ignore what he said. It took him a while to realize that I wasn't paying any more attention to the criticism, and there were certainly difficult days when he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. But still...I made the best of it, and now, after his death...I think he finally understands.

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:39 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • Tell him the economy is bad and you decided to live off all his sucesses he brags about.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:18 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

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