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My 14 year old had sex and I am shocked,

She told me, she felt so guilty, and cried. I asked why? She said I was not thinking, I just did it. I punished her, and She knows about pregnancy, she knows about STD's. She is going for a physical, I never thought she would be so nieve. I am so glad she told me-and said it was a mistake, but I know she is not ready for that.

There is no way to prevent it, but how do you make them think twice, or actually think about what they are doing?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:10 AM on Apr. 12, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • DO NOT feel bad for giving her a consequence (the natural consequence could have been pregnancy or an awful disease). You can enforce a consequence and still keep the lines of communication open. She does not need to think you are ok with this. She needs to know it was a bad desicion, but you are there for her and still love her. I think talking a lot about the consequences of sex and how to say no are your best tools for making them think twice. Invent senarios that could happen and aske her how she would handle it; don't let her off easy by just saying, "I'd say no." Make her think about what she'd really do to get out of the situation. SHe needs to think about these things before she finds herself in the situation; you can help prepare her for what she may face. GL!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:28 AM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • the best thing you can do is allow her to be able to talk to you. it's great that she was able to come to you at all. depending on how you reacted may encourage her to talk to you in the future before something comes up. why did you punish her? and to what extreme did you punish her? I'm not condoning a 14 year old girl having sex, that is quite young, but when she came to you, needing to talk and admitting it was a mistake....you punished her?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:13 AM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • you punished her?That doesnt need punishment it needs lots and LOTS of talking
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:14 AM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • You punished her? Seriously. What did you make her do write I will not have sex fifty times. The fact she came to you should mean something I think punishing her will not make her so honest next time
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:14 AM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • I am glad she came and talked to you but punishing her most likely made her feel worse about herself. What she needs is to be loved and guided back to the right direction. She admitted she was wrong and I am sure she felt bad self image wise and probably wishes she had waited. I encourage you to get a book called Sexual Revelution, the Moral Truth about Purity. by Kris Vallotton It is written for parents and teens on how to view sex, why teens should wait and it also helps those who didnt reclaim who they really are.
    Shaneagle777

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 11:19 AM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • YES, SHE WAS GROUNDED FOR A WEEK, THERE IS CONSEQUENCES IN ALL YOU DO, I TALKED AND TALKED AND YES, I DID PUNISH HER. I DON'T CONDON ABORTION, AND WOULD HATE TO HAVE TO BRING MY 14 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER UP THERE BECAUSE SHE DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE IS DOING. SHE IS ONLY 14 CAN'T TAKE CARE OF HERSELF, AND NOW DECIDES TO HAVE SEX. WHAT????
    SHE WILL GO TO THE DOCTOR, AND STUFF, BUT I DON'T WANT TO GIVE HER PERMISSION, JUST TO BE AWARE.
    SO YOU WOULD NOT HAVE CONSEQUENCES FOR THAT??? I AM NOT HEAR TO BE BASHED, I AM ASKING FOR HELP?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:39 AM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • why would you punish her? sex is a normal natural part of life. everybody wants to have sex. you cant help it. its a human instinct. you dont need to punish her. you need to talk to her, get her condoms, get her birth control.
    i lost my virginity when i was 13, and i wasnt a whore, i dont and never had an std and i didnt have a baby at 16 either.
    jeez lady. your poor daughter. NOW SHE WILL NEVER TELL YOU ANYTHING AGAIN.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 11:50 AM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • Why would you punish her? She came to you and TOLD you, and you PUNISH her? Now she's going to be scared to come to you the next something like this happens because she'll be afraid she's going to get in trouble. She needs your love, and your support, not your anger. I know you have every right to be angry, and upset, and even scared...but how do you think she feels? I lost my virginity when I was 14, and I was so scared, and felt so horrible after...and I WISH I could have talked to my mom about it. You need to make her feel that she can trust you...so that she is comfortable talking to you about these kinds of things...so you need to be careful in how you handle these situations. I do not agree with you grounding her...I don't think that was a good idea..but she's your child. No, I would not ground my child for having sex, especially if they CAME to me, and told me. I think you overreacted. I think everything else you (cont)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:52 AM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • (cont) are doing is right. You should talk to her, make her aware of all the consequences of having sex. STD's, pregnancy...all of it. And honestly...I would put her on birth control. Tell her, giving you this pill does NOT mean in anyway that I am giving you permission to have sex. Explain to her why it's important to wait. But she should be on the pill incase something happens again. Girls that age are going to do what they want regardless...so to be safe, I'd give her the pill. I'm going to put my daughter on the pill as soon as she gets her period for the first time. Just to be safe. I'd rather be safe than sorry. I think you handled things poorly, but I think you mean well. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:52 AM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • PURPULBUTTERFLY:

    I am so proud that she told me-she is well aware of that, and I know it is natural. When you see your 14 year old saying: on myspace saying I am a slut, and I had sex with 3 guys at the same time, then come tell me the same thing your telling me now. I have seen so many 7th and 8th graders in the school getting pregnant and having sex.
    So I should say it is ok, you don't get a consequence for having sex because you were so honest. You don't know me to judge me. I am hurt, scared for her and confused.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:55 AM on Apr. 12, 2010