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how can we be going strong and going nowhere at the same time?

pros and cons of being with my boyfriend:
pros: phenomenal father to our son, provider when we need providing, my best friend, great roommate, goofy, hard working.
cons: sees no initiative to get married, sees no reason to go on dates, doesn't care to move out of my parents house, thinks sex is nice but not a nessecity in a relationship, thinks if it is baby related mother should do it cuz that is what mothers do. thinks women who pretty much want anything in a relationship other than compainionship and mutual love, must be spoiled and should be happy they have someone to love.

as you see, nothing really overly good or overly bad. really drab. we go on a date maybe every 6 months. usually dinner and movie. we talk about it often over the last three years. he gets upset because he wants me to understand that stuff isn't important. i get upset cuz im BORED. i'm trying to figure out if i want to marry him or not. help?

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spazlilsister

Asked by spazlilsister at 1:26 PM on Apr. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Level 4 (47 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • i mean, he is good enough and it would be nice to be married to the father of my son. but i fear that i don't love him as much as i should and that i am pretty much dooming myself to have a loveless relationship. i mean, you should get married, wait 5 years THEN consider yourself doomed.

    i would like to say that i am spoiled and that i should just be happy but... i am not? i wish it was that easy but i was raised with the mentality of he's just not that into you. he doesn't want to marry you after 2 years of dating... obviously he isn't feeling it. if he doesn't EVER do anything to make up after a fight- he isn't sorry. if he doesn't ever want to prove himself to you by doing anything other than not being with other people or refraining from beating you... well, you aren't his top priority. if you aren't his top priority, than be his bottom priority and leave.
    but now i question. princes don't exsist. should i settle?
    spazlilsister

    Answer by spazlilsister at 1:32 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • i mean, my friends ask if it is cuz we don't go on dates that i am not happy. is that the problem? well no, well yes. it is just so that he is so AGAINST anything that turns me off. i am a good ol country girl at heart and i count a date as a fishing pole and some dr pepper. i mean, if you can't do THAT then you are really below the bar. but that is who he is. he isn't lazy, he understands these things, it is his beliefs and the way he was raised. he is a good man though. should i just suck it up? he's right, people need to stop worrying about making themselves happier. but a peice of me thinks that is sick. that at some time, you should want to be happy and make others happy. like, happier than picking them up mcdonalds on your way home.

    i just keep worrying that i am being stupid for not enjoying my perfectly fine guy and that i am stupid for not wanting more in my life.
    spazlilsister

    Answer by spazlilsister at 1:40 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • I wouldn't marry someone I was bored with before the wedding. it will only get worse afterward
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:54 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • i just have to say that a provider when you need provided for is a home to live in, not your parent's like you said. though it's not the destination it's how you get where you are going. marriage shouldn't be the destination that you seek, it's only a small part of what you need in life.
    angevil53

    Answer by angevil53 at 2:22 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • I definitely wouldn't marry him. Like someone else said, it'll only get worse after marriage. He has it all just how he wants it, and I'm sure he'd like to keep it that way. If you want more out of life... you might have to look at other options.
    AlleyK

    Answer by AlleyK at 4:35 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • yeah but how do i do that? i mean, he is just fine. it is kinda hard to tell a guy, "you are fine, been with you for 3 years but... yeah... not working out."
    spazlilsister

    Answer by spazlilsister at 5:45 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • Along the lines of "He's just not that into you"...... read Steve Harvey's "Act like a lady, think like a man." There are bound to problems in the bedroom, especially since they exist in the boardroom. Sounds like you've both got some more grow to do.
    Ewadun

    Answer by Ewadun at 7:15 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

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