Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Is love really worth it?

Is true love worth giving up your dreams? I'm torn between the man I love and the future that I've dreamed of. Both can't happen.. so how do I choose?

*short version of situation- the man I love (not my kids dad) was convicted of something that makes him a sex offender many many years ago. He's not really one.. the situation is all screwed up.. and please no comments on that.. I don't want to hear it. My dream is to be a foster parent for infants/toddlers and have a farm where I can do counseling/therapy with children and animals. I can't do this if I"m with him.. but I love him SO much I don't know how to or want to let him go.. He's amazing and he holds my heart and would do anything for me AND my kids..
how do I choose between my dreams and the man I love? Is it worth it to give up those hopes for another chance at true love with him?*

Please no bashing.. this is a really tough decision that has been killing me inside.


Asked by Anonymous at 3:08 PM on Apr. 12, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I was just checking OP. I wasn't sure. I'm a strong believer in living your dreams, no matter what. Check with CPS, I'm assuming if this comes up, or when this comes up, then they would probably say no..........but until you ask, you don't know FOR SURE. But it truely does come down to what you want more, your boyfriend or your dream? Could you live your life with your BF and never having fulfilled your dream? Could you live your dream and possibly never having a life with this man? It will take some soul searching and without a doubt a VERY hard decision to make. Good luck!!!

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 9:44 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • personaly i gave up on love a while back. and i wish i hadnt. i think you should be with the man you love. it will make you much happier.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:12 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • I found this quote and I think it pertains to this very well: Every relationship in your life is a current moving you toward your dreams or away. Love will NEVER require you to give up your dreams. If you can't live your dreams AND be in love with this person, then you must decide which is more important to YOU. On a side note, how do you know he's not guilty of commiting a crime involving this issue? If children and fostering is a dream you've had, then go for it. There are not enough foster parents out there. But HOW important is your dream, and if this is true love, this man would NEVER stand in your way or encourage you to give up your dream, even for him.

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 3:19 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • I hope you aren't taking his word for the whole sex offender thing, make sure it's the truth because many people will lie. I understand some get the title for life and really aren't the "sexual predator" these laws are made to protect us against. That being said, my bf just broke up with me because I don't fit into his dream. Really it's killing me because he has been my everything, but you know what? I've loved before and I seriously doubt he will be the last. You can love many people in your life. It's hard to break up and hard to move on, but I'm not sure his "status" is the best thing for you, your kids, and your future. I'm not just talking about your dreams either. It may be hard for him to find a job or good job when he needs one, you may have trouble finding a place to live, and your neighbors could make it hard on you and yours. I've even heard of neighbors getting sex offenders kicked out of the neighborhood.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:22 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • Side note: Isn't it illegal for him to be around minors then anyway? Wouldn't you and your kids be putting him at risk of going to prison? I know you didn't want any comments on this particular part of it, but you're gonna get them. Just think. Whether he did or didn't commit this crime doesnt matter, the fact that he was accused and is on the sex offender registry would bother me. My kids are far too important to me to risk that.

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 3:23 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • OP here.. I do know all the facts in his case.. I didnt know him when it happened but a lot of my friends did and they all have said the same thing... someone else downloaded stuff onto his computer.. he got a reduced sentence because of the circumstances but he's still labeled and required to register.. it totally sucks.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:26 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • Whatever is more important to you is what you will choose.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:28 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • Love is about compromise in my mind....okay, you can't foster care but why can't you have the farm....close to your home but not on the same property so that you can work with kids and animals?

    Answer by anetrnlov at 3:29 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • No Diva.. it isn't.. his sentence and probation are over and he has no restrictions on being around minors.. but I don't know how that would play into the foster care scenario. I know CPS would have to do a home study and having him in the house would probably disqualify me from being a foster parent. My kids are my everything and I would never put them in danger.. I know him inside and out and he is an amazing person who was put in a really bad position. I've always thought that I would spend my life with him.. and now I have to make the choice between him and what I want to do with my life. He would never ask me to put aside my dreams for him.. he has no idea about this part of my decision and how hard this has been.. I don't let him know about that because I know there's nothing he can do about it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:33 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • How long have you known him? Have you personally looked at the court records? I'm not sanguine about believing friends on this, so I'm a bit leery.

    Here's the thing...he could leave tomorrow. He could die tomorrow. You need to live your life for YOU and your children, not for him.

    Answer by gdiamante at 6:02 PM on Apr. 12, 2010