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What to do???? :(

My son's father is an ASS. He hasn't seen or spoken to my son in over 3 years. My son still talks about him almost daily. When he first disapeared there was a LOT of emotional and behavioral probs.
My son has been wanting to be old enough to play football, and this fall he will be. I allready told him he could play. I found out through the grapevine his father is coaching anklebites football. The whole county every leauge plays eachother. What do I do???? Either way is not fair to him. If I don't let him play, or if I do and he comes accorss his dad.....
If what you have to say involves anything that may further hurt my son - skip the quesiton. I am really frustereated. Peope tell me all the time when he gets mad at me about not taking him to see daddy that we should show up onhis door step. I would love to, but it would only hurt my son more!
In this situation either way he looses.

Answer Question
 
mommymeg03

Asked by mommymeg03 at 7:34 PM on Apr. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,235 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • :( I wouldn't know where to begin with this situation, as i've not had to come across this problem....I hope you find a solution, and it's the best thing for everyone.
    Would he recognize his dad if he saw him?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:36 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • Unfortunatly yes he would.
    His dad didn't come around until he was 2 1/2 and that lasted less than a year, and you would swear he saw him yesterday the way he talks about him. :(
    mommymeg03

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 7:38 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • Talk to dad and tell him what's up I'd hate for him to shun the child at a game. See how dad feels and I hope he's paying CS.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:39 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • Talking to dad is not really an option....
    We don't talk - I don't have a good phone number for him. We have court at the end of May (for no compliance of cs), but I need to decide and register him before then or I would bring it up then.

    UUUGHGHGH
    mommymeg03

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 7:50 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • Well, on one hand I say, dont hold him back from something he really wants to do. Fearing he will cross his father, and it will hurt him. On the other hand, he also needs to know and hear the truth. You might need to have a heart to hear with him on the subject, and let him know that playing football he might be crossing paths with his father. That way he isnt surprised. It is certainly a hard situation.
    Hottiehp21

    Answer by Hottiehp21 at 9:03 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • Your son will be hurt either way. If he finds out his dad is coaching and you didn't let him play he'll be hurt and if he sees his dad coaching and not playing with him he'll be hurt. I think this is one of those no win situations. I personally would let him play. He will figure out his dad is a deadbeat.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:13 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • I say let him decide. Just sit him down and talk to him. Tell him that you want to let him play, but you want him to know that his dad is a coach, and that he will see him. As hard as it may be try and be honest with him. Let him know dad may not try and say hi, and if he does, try not to get your hopes up. My sons dad disappeared too, and I constantly worry about having to see him and deal with this
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:00 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • I think letting him play is the best thing for the son. And just tell him he's going to see his father. And be honest but gentle when you tell him the truth about his father. I just don't think I would let the father ruin this experience for him! GL
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 5:59 PM on Apr. 13, 2010

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