Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

am I doing the right thing?

my ex insisted on joint custody & since our divorce isn't even consistent with his visitations & now he says he couldn't take them because he didn't have food for them.. I offered to get food for them while at his house ( a 6 yrold & 3 yrold) & I have done this before.. I know he should be responsible for the food at his house, but what else can I do? Am I doing the right thing by buying food for the kids for his house?
I asked him to plan ahead next time. I know its good for my kids to see him, but I feel he tries to get out of the responsibility of caring for kids. they saw him only two hours last week & didn't see him at all the week before.

Answer Question
 
maiahlynn

Asked by maiahlynn at 9:39 PM on Apr. 12, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 13 (1,143 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • it is not you responsibility to buy food for his house and yours. Sounds to me like he is trying to get out of seeing them. It will only hurt him in the long run.
    sunnieday

    Answer by sunnieday at 9:44 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • Document everything! Every visit, every excuse.
    Don't push the kids on him. It is his loss. Then is he gets worse go to court and work out a better custody arrangement.
    Don't make it that easy for him, he needs to put out the effort.
    sassy_brizzy

    Answer by sassy_brizzy at 9:45 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • well I think its up to you. As a child of divorced parents I would really appreciate that you did this because I think its important for both parents to be able to have relationships with their kids (unless the parent is harming them) I don't know about joint custody though... if he can't provide them food than maybe now is not the time for joint custody... but it does not mean that you can't still allow them over to his house when you choose to... does that make sense? but its up to you on what you think is best. If you are fine with it than stay with it, if your gut tells you that something is not right than maybe things need to change.
    Precious333

    Answer by Precious333 at 9:45 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • Sounds like you had yourself 3 kids for a while.
    syssie

    Answer by syssie at 9:47 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • it is NOT YOUR responsibility to feed those kids at his house. It is his. If he can't make sure there is food for them then he doesn't get visits. Period! My ex pulled this too. Don't deal with it. Maybe ur kids should see their dad, but he needs to BE A DAD for that to ever happen.
    TheDiva320

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 9:47 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • I don't think you should buy food for his house.. I'm sorry, but I think he doen't want to be involved an, sweety, it's not your responsibility to make him see he's making a terrible mistake here..

    Try inviting him at your house to visit the kids and if he avoids that too, I don't think he's even worth talking to about the matter. Just get full custody after that..
    pipermomofash

    Answer by pipermomofash at 9:48 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • While it's not your responsibility, I think that you're going out of your way to make sure your kids see their dad. If it's a money issue, maybe he's unemployed, then maybe dont' worry about it. But if you do think he's trying to get out of the responsibility, yeah, you should probably do something about it.
    whiteroses82

    Answer by whiteroses82 at 9:51 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • I don't make him stick to the days or times in our paper work as long as I know a few days ahead he can have them most any day or time, I'm flexible. I have bought food before.. I just feel he needs to be more consistent & responsible. But when I tell him that he tries to make me feel guilty that he pays $580 monthly ( for two kids) in child support. I am trying to be nice & work with him, but I am not sure if he is trying to take advance of me. My 7 yr old ( not 6 oops) wants to see him So I do it for her.. i have asked him why we have joint custody.. its a control issue I think.
    maiahlynn

    Answer by maiahlynn at 9:52 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • I think you need to document every thing. Dates, times whatever write it all down. Record phone conversations everything. Then if he has this excuse again offer to let him come visit them at your house for a little while. Just be careful it could turn around to bite you in the ass being so nice and helpful ! GL momma
    mommymandaleigh

    Answer by mommymandaleigh at 9:56 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

  • when he tries to guilt you about the child support thing, tell him that they are giving him credit for the times that he is suppose to have the kids. thus his child support would be higher if the courts knew he wasnt taking them as much as he is suppose to and you were providing food for his house. at least here that is the way it works. CS isbased off of parents income and number of overnights at both houses.

    i think you are being REALLY nice....and I honestly dont think i would be that nice. i definately think you need to document everything, but you could actually go for more support probably if he is not taking his visitation time.
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 11:23 PM on Apr. 12, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN