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Does anyone else go through this?

Almost two years ago my husband and I lost our first child to trisomy 18, she passed away during delivery. Since then we've had her little sister, who is a bundle of energy and so loved. It's getting close to our angel's birthday and I keep seeing her name everywhere and every time I see it my heart drops into my stomach, I miss her so much. I can't really talk to my husband about it because it hit him so hard that he almost didn't want to try to have another baby (thank goodness he did). How many moms have been through this, and how do you cope with seeing a lost child's name everywhere? I don't want this to get to me so bad, my angel's birthday is a month before her sister's who will be 1, and that's a birthday I really can't be in a funk on, I love my living child and don't want to take away from her special day by being sad. Advice?


Asked by heratyc at 1:33 AM on Apr. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Level 13 (962 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (3)
  • I didn't lose my son to the same thing you lost your daughter to, he was stillborn for other reasons. I can tell you that I often see his name everywhere, hear it everywhere, and I am noticing there are more and more people with his name than I ever realized before. I think you should sit down and try to talk to your husband. I'm sure by now he will be okay with talking about it. Maybe you should both go to grief couseling to help get through this if he still isn't ready to talk about it.

    The way I get through seeing his name everywhere, is when I see it, or hear it, I smile. I try to think a happy thought, and say hello to him. It helped me get through it, and I don't feel like crying everytime something like this comes around. Hugs Momma. I hope this helps. If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me. :)


    Answer by Punky_1981 at 2:38 AM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • My best friend lost her baby at birth to trisomy19. They remember him on his birthday every year. To them he is always part of the family. Are you sure you can't talk to your hubby about it? Maybe he feels the same way but is scared to talk to you? I'm sorry for your loss.

    Answer by BlooBird at 1:40 AM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • I have a friend with a situation kind of like yours. Her son Matthew had Downs, when he was 14 they were involved in an auto accident, and he is the only child out of the 6 that was fatally injured. They burried him here, then moved to CA. She eventually flipped out from being so far from his grave they moved back home. So, now she just puts his name everywhere. It is on everyone's license plate. That way, she can remember him, and not freak out when his name comes up randomly. She and her family embrace his name. Make it a part of every day life. Maybe this would work for you too. Don't fight it, go with it. She lived...however briefly, she did, so celebrate that! I hope this helps.

    Answer by salexander at 1:18 PM on Apr. 13, 2010