I tend to associate the words "open adoption" with lots of contact & visits with the mothers who gave birth to their children & then placed them for adoption. But, if I am remembering right, "OPEN' only refers to knowing the identities of both parties. The expectant mom considering adoption & the potential adoptive parents.
If you have an OA (regardless of your place in the triad) how often did you have DIRECT contact with the other mother and/or adoptee? Or was it letters and/or pics? Was it in writing? How is it working for your family?
Open adoption can mean anything you want it to, from pictures and letters to visits. The problem with open adoption is that no matter what you agree to ahead of time it is not enforceable by law. An adoptive family can promise full contact and then never allow it. A birthmother can cut off all contact, or try to demand too much. It's basically a free for all. You would hope that everyone could agree and live up to their deal, but the time an adoption takes place is highly emotional. You are both counting on the other person in a time of need. You think you know each other and feel a bond, but you really don't know. Feelings change, people change. Something meant to be precious can get ugly fast.
Answer by BlooBird at 1:46 AM on Apr. 13, 2010
Not as open as I would like. Our son's birthmother has our phone number and home address with the invitation to call at any time. We sent pages and pages of detailed letters with tons of pictures with each new development. I'm not sure why but she moved and did not forward an address to us. She often changed her number but eventually we did not have a phone number. I do wonder if in the shuffle of her life she might have lost it. I debate back and forth on what to do - do I hire a detective and find her to give her our contact again? Or do I wait to see what happens? She can get it if she wants it. She gave our number and address to a friend of hers who has called. The other guess is she can't call because she is in jail. She has been there before and it is a real possibility.
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