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Am I wrong? I dont know what to do..Please NO BASHING!

So here it is, Dh and I have been together for going on 9 years. 4 kids now and my brickhouse body is just a house now. I am on BC right now while waiting for Dh's snip snip LOL... I HATE the way I look(body wise). Short of throwing up on a continual basis and starving myself I will not lose weight. I have changed my diet and how much I eat. I walk and jog and the weight just sits there. I cry about it so hard. I did not get my tubes tied because I had agreed to be a surrogate before finding out I was pregnant. If that option is still available to me I plan to pursue it.
Dh works all the time so when he is home he want "some" ya know. But the idea of him on me looking at me, it makes me want to hurl. Turning off the lights doesnt help. I feel like if i am not there physcially, mentally and spiritually then I am not giving all of myself. CONTD

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:50 AM on Apr. 13, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • cont

    But here's the thing - as you said, your dh wants to be with you - HE thinks you're sexy! He probably doesn't even see the extra weight and the "mom body" - at least not to the point that it bothers him. He knows that you got that body giving birth to his children. And, besides, what he's probably thinking when he sees you is "man, I can't wait to get a piece of that - I LOVE when she does ___" When he makes love to you, he's not thinking about all the imperfections - he's thinking about how much he loves you, how excited you make him, and how much of a stud he feels like when he can make you excited.

    I know it's hard, but give yourself time, and don't beat yourself up over it, and don't shut yourself - and your dh - off from sex and that intimacy. Besides - if nothing else - remind yourself that sex - done "right' - can be a GREAT workout / calorie burner ;-)

    hang in there! ((hugs))
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 5:38 AM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • CONTD I cant focus because all I can think about is “please don’t touch my stomach. Please don’t rub my back fat. don’t look at my double chin.”

    Anyway I recently told DH that I would prefer if he masturbated because the idea of sex is in no way appealing to me. He laughed it off claiming “your outside your head if u think that’s gonna happen.” I don’t think he really understands how sick I get thinking about having sex. Thinking about my body image.
    Am I wrong to tell him this?.. What should I do?
    I already feel like crap, please no bashing..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:50 AM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • alot of women have poor self image...I am 75 lbs heavier then i was in high school and hate the idea of my husband seeing me naked or being on top of my fat belly. I have him do it doggy style that way he isn't seeing anything or feeling the fat flab around.
    you have to remind yourself you have had 4 babies,i have had 4 and my kids tell me the fat is for a good reason..it is not like we are fat because we dont have kids and instead drink beer and eat taco bell all day long. My husbands bff has a very large wife and he confides in my husband his wife isn't giving him any because she is afraid of the jiggle...he says he doesnt care, he loves her and that is what counts....when men love a woman, they dont care about our bodies, so we have to try to suck in our feelings, get on those hands and knees and get over ourselves...lol, really trying not to be mean here, just being honest
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:36 AM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • Have you had your thyroid tested?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:38 AM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • Oh sweetie! I'm so so sorry you feel this way! I agree, a lot of women feel this way, that they have to look perfect, or have the perfect body, or that they need to look just like they did before kids, etc. Also, like one of the pp's said, there could be medical stuff going on, too - that should be looked at. But here's the thing - 4 kids in 9 yrs - that's 36 mos (aprox) of being pg - that's 3 yrs of being pg - or 1/3 of the time. You can't beat yourself up that you aren't just bouncing back like it was nothing!

    As my dh told me when I went through this (I only have 2, but they're 15 mos apart, and I had some delivery issues) - I was upset that nothing I did would get my stomach back like it was before kids. As he put it - "Sweetheart, if you stretch a rubber band over the back of a chair for 18 months, it's not going to just bounce back in a few months..."

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 5:33 AM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • First of all, Sailorwifenmom, THANK YOU. I myself struggle the same way. I had four kids within three years and three months. Twins my third pregnancy completely altered the body I once had. For a long time it was very hard to be intimate with my hubby and I tried to avoid it whenever possible, but when I told my hubby why, and how I was feeling, he was kinda flabbergasted. He was hurt that I couldn't trust that he LOVES ME! That regardless of the extra 70lbs and the overly stretched stomach, he still loves to see me naked, because I'm his! So OP, you have an awesome hubby who wants YOU. Not the body you used to have, but YOU as YOU are NOW. Don't withhold sex from him. Let him love you! :)
    jreneei

    Answer by jreneei at 6:25 AM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • It sounds like you definitely have some self esteem issues and may need to go talk to a therapist. It's amazing how freeing it is just to get things off your chest and talk to someone!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:37 AM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • I never remove my clothes during sex and it helps me hide what I am not proud of (belly fat and scars). It also helps me stay confident and focus on our actions and not trying to hide anything. It helps me feel sexy bc I pick out what I want to wear and as long as I make everything accessible to him he couldn't care less if I remove them or not. Great sex is mostly mental anyway and if my "mental" is in place then I can remain hot and passionate and fun. It's all about illusion. Make it sexy for you both but keep it on so you don't have to feel self conscious about anything. I do that and sex is better now than when I was a lot younger and naked!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:51 AM on Apr. 13, 2010

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