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What did I do wrong here? (long)

So I am starting to get back into dating after my marriage ended, it was abusive and I am afraid had lasting ill effects on me.. A friend suggested I try the internet, so I did and i started chatting with a guy in my city. We got along great, everyday we talked and texted and he sent me very sweet "wakeup" texts. Then we decided to meet up and have lunch. I thought it went great, but now he has hardly contacted me at all. It was a totally innocent meeting, and I thought he really liked me. Now i don't know what to think. I have pretty low self confidence anyway and this has really shattered what was left of it. I really liked this guy and thought he felt the same way, but now all I can think is that my x was right when he said I was never going to find anyone to care about me. Should I cut my losses and give up or just keep what little contact I have with him up? Please help.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:23 AM on Apr. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • that happens all the time with online dating. guys meet you and suddenly they're not interested anymore. it's all about the chase. not to be mean but to let something like that get to you is pretty silly
    flaggot13

    Answer by flaggot13 at 6:01 AM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • How long has it been since your marriage ended? Maybe you're not ready for another relationship and this guy you met obviously isn't the one for you. Don't let it shake your confidence, you need to be happy about "you" before you can be happy with "anyone" else.
    Sweet_Faith

    Answer by Sweet_Faith at 6:01 AM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • It might just be that you guys aren't meant to be together. I think you're probably nervous about dating and therefore quick to see anything even remotely negative as a huge bad sign. Maybe he's just super busy right now for some reason. Or maybe he just didn't think you guys clicked all that well. It happens, and it's nothing against you. Not everyone is compatible with everyone else. You will find someone wonderful who will care for you and love you, your ex is an idiot and considering he abused you, is the last person you should listen to. Don't give up. But don't try too hard either. I would just keep whatever contact is going right now and see what happens. Just text him back if he texts you, e-mail responses, take his calls, but don't go out of your way to contact him and don't act desperate. Good luck!
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:13 AM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • I agree with Sweet Faith. Take some time and enjoy being YOU! You can't find your confidence in having a man care about you. You should wait to pursue a relationship, until you've become confident and happy for who YOU are as yourself, because you are a beautiful woman!
    jreneei

    Answer by jreneei at 6:13 AM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • flag.. normally I would agree that it is silly.. but you have to understand that My x told me every day that I would never be good enough for anyone, and I finally got the courage up to try and was rejected. If you have ever been in an abusive relationship then you understand how the things they say can sink in until you believe it. And my being rejected like that really brought back all the thoughts of my x being right about my being worthless. But thank you for your input.

    Sweet...It has been a very long time.,, almost 3 years. It took me along time to get comfortable around men.. and I had several surgeries that left little room for much anyway. I thought I was ready to try, but maybe you are right that it is not time yet. But at least I can say I tried.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:14 AM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • Thank you tropical.. I am definitly having no trouble not contacting him.. lol as much as I miss our talks, I do have other things that keep me busy. I had to make time to talk with him in the first place., Thank you for the advice.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:16 AM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • My ex told me I would never find anyone else who wanted me either. I left him over 5 years ago and am now happily married to a man that loves me and treat me and my kids great, we have a 17 month old together and another due in July. Don't believe what your ex told you - that's just another thing they say to keep control over you. Don't give him that power!
    I tried the internet dating thing too, but it never worked out for me. I went back to school and just when I wasn't looking - I met him. It wasn't a huge love attraction at first, we became friends and then it developed from there. Give it time, when it's right it will happen. You will most likely meet/date several guys before you meet someone you are compatible with - don't let your first experience get you down!
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 7:48 AM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • You should ask him what heppend next time you find him online. It could also be that is is seeing other people.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:23 AM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • Flag.....It's not silly to a person that has been emotionally abused on a daily basis. Obviously you have confidence and cannot understand how she feels. Calling her silly probably doesn't help her confidence.

    Anyways, I know how you feel. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. Slightly different than your situation, but nonetheless abusive. I know how it can beat a person down. I think you best bet is to take a break from dating all together. You need to gain YOU back. Your ex destroyed you piece by piece and now you have to put it back together. Jumping into a dating situation is not good now, because just as this date, rejection is not good for you now until you regain your confidence and you know that you will find a man that is worthy of you. Also when a women feels this way they are quick to jump into something too quick falsely believing that they are in love, when actually its more likely to be the desire.
    Roisin07

    Answer by Roisin07 at 10:10 AM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • I've been meeting men online for decades. Take it for what it is. They love the chase. Once it crosses over into reality they have a great time then go back to the Internet for more chasing, of someone else. It's not you.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:47 AM on Apr. 13, 2010

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