Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

women 40 or older.. where you spanked as a child or did you spank your kids? how did it affect you as an adult?

All the new research saying spanking is bad I want to hear from people who were spanked as a form of discipline. i am not talking about abuse where marks were left on you or spanking was used as the primary discipline. I am talking about a swat or two on the rear because nothing else was working.
How did it effect you as a child & adult ? If you were not spanked how did that effect you?
Did you spank your kids? how did that effect them? were they aggressive, did they have lower IQ's ?
I believe spanks are ok if used as discipline when nothing else has worked & should only be used on kids 2 yr old or older, over the clothes.

Answer Question
 
maiahlynn

Asked by maiahlynn at 1:35 PM on Apr. 13, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 13 (1,143 Credits)
Answers (22)
  • abcnews.go.com/Health/Wellness/spanking-moms-aggression.../story?id...
    this is the web site that got me asking the questions.. I was abused as a child & so I am careful not to spank when I'm mad I'm not looking to hurt the child only grabbed their attention & let them know they have to listen to me. I can count on two hands how many times i have spanked my two oldest kids 11, & 7.. i never have spanked my two youngest 3 & 10 months.
    maiahlynn

    Answer by maiahlynn at 1:38 PM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • I would answer.... but I'm 37 LOL
    BlooBird

    Answer by BlooBird at 1:42 PM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • I just watched the video link above.. they said the study was done by moms who spank FREQUENTLY I think this may be the problem.. spanks should not be used frequently Only if everything else has been tried redirection, warning, time-out.. etc
    the research was also for moms who had toddlers for my kids redirection almost always worked when they were toddlers.. its when they got older was the issue.. I personally think this research was to narrow & should have been done with moms who spank 2 yr old- 15 yr and should have been done with more moms. It should have had research with moms who only spank as a last resort, not a primary discipline.
    maiahlynn

    Answer by maiahlynn at 1:48 PM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • Why do you only ask women over 40? I'm not over 40, but I want to answer anyway. I think it depends on how it is done and the personality of the child. I was spanked as a child and I remember it, I don't think it was done very often, but when it was my mom was very angry and I remember feeling very ashamed and just this awful humiliated and embarrassed feeling. My husband was spanked as well and he doesn't even remember it, so I assume his parents were different in how they went about doing it. (He is over 40 if that matters). Neither of us are aggressive, we are both intelligent, especially my husband, he was valedictorian of his highschool class of over 500 students. Had straight As in college as well with master's degree in engineering plus some kind seminary degree because he wanted to go back to school for a while. We spank our own kids occasionally, the older two are 2 and 4 so I can't say if it's affected them.
    mybella81

    Answer by mybella81 at 1:49 PM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • I'm 36.... was spanked.... and I believe that people that blame their current problems on the ancient past are pathetic!

    “oh wahhhh wahhhh wahhhh.... I can't be held accountable for my actions (at 45 years old) because I was spanked when I was five"
    VeronicaLee

    Answer by VeronicaLee at 1:50 PM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • By the way I have a friend who uses spanking as a primary form of discipline. I used to go to her house once a week and she would be spanking her kids all the time it seemed. It made me very uncomfortable, but as far as her kids turned out (at least so far, I think the oldest is 8 or 9) they are very sweet children, never aggressive that I have ever seen, and seem fairly intelligent as well. I don't agree with their form of discipline, at least not as often as they do it, but I don't see it having harmed their children either.
    mybella81

    Answer by mybella81 at 1:55 PM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • I am 63 and I was spanked when I needed it. My mom used a switch on the bare legs, and it did sting. My dad gave me maybe 3 whippings with his belt. All of those were fairly given to my siblings, as well, for fighting. I spanked my 3 children and my 5 grandchildren are being spanked. There is not an abuser in the bunch and never has been. I think the reason for it was that it was done for training and not for punishment. Children are not born knowing how to behave. They must be taught what is proper in the home of their parents. In the process, they are taught respect for authority and accountabity, so that spankings are very infrequent and are usually the result of direct disobedience to some rule or direction. Because some have dealt blows to their children that were not framed by love, spanking has gotten a bad name. It is effective and it is much quicker than any other form of discipline, so I highly recommend it.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:00 PM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • i was spanked a hand full of times as a kid, all for lying (even the "white" lies). so as an adult i think honesty is a very important character trait. i have 4 kids too, but they are all pretty close in age. 2 get spanks and 2 do not. the two that get spanks were aggressive long before they ever got spanked. as far as iq's go, honestly my two that get spanks seem to be smarter...
    my step dad once bragged that he never raised his voice at his daughter...but you know, all kids are very different. we have one child that we can't raise our voices at. if she was my only child i would think that parents that spank and yell need better coping skills, but i have 4 different personalities, and honestly 4 different methods of discipline. in the end i just hope none of my kids will need therapy because of me :) and i am always trying to do better too!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:05 PM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • mybella81- I only asked women over 40 because I am trying to find moms who have grown children.. to see how it effect the "kids" long term.. I don't mind you answering lol
    maiahlynn

    Answer by maiahlynn at 2:12 PM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • I think maybe the problem is generalizing what spanking is or isn't. I used spanking once in awhile, only for certain things, we do use other forms of punishment as well. Our child is not aggressive and we hardly ever have much trouble from her. But my best friend uses spanking daily. When I was at her home last week her DD told me she just got spanked for 4 different things she did at her grandmothers house. Not just one for misbehaving, but for each infraction. Her mom is very strict and an infraction can be as little as asking for a snack. She is not allowed to ask, something must be offered. Personally I think this is abusive, but the police say as long as they are not leaving bruises they can't do anything about it. For all the "discipline" they carry out, this girl is very aggressive around my DD and lies and cheats when playing. My DD begged me not play with them anymore but I feel like we have to keep an eye on this.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:18 PM on Apr. 13, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.