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When do you consider the "raising" process over?

is it strictly when they turn 18?
do you think it extends until they are married?
Do you think it stops at puberty?
Why?

 
Christina2135

Asked by Christina2135 at 2:09 PM on Apr. 13, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 7 (166 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • The "raising" I feel stops when they leave home. The relationship changes to one of advising, emotional support and guidance. At least that is what happened with me and my parents. They are there for me but don't tell me what to do anymore maybe because they taught me right from wrong and don't have to keep raising me and don't think of me as a child still. In DH's family there is way too much hands on even after college graduation and beyond. The result is legal adults who can't pay their own bills or handle life and run to mommy and daddy for everything.  It's sad.  It's fine to be close and know help is there if things go very bad but there is a limit.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:28 PM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • It never stops, that is of course until you die!!!!!!!You get to a different level but it never stops.
    older

    Answer by older at 2:10 PM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • I'd say it is over when they are out on their own and taking care of their own bills. At that point they can ask me for advice, but they are adults.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:11 PM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • Well, I think my parents were done raising me when I moved out when I was 18.
    However, for me...as a parent...I'll never be done raising them because I won't be able to let them go, they have to live with me for forever! LOL. Just kidding...but the thought of being done raising is to hard for me to know at this point. I bet you I'll be raising my son longer than I'll have to raise my daughter just because I think girls mature quicker than boys. But, I could be wrong!
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 2:11 PM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • It never ends most likely you will always know better because you experience more, they will always be your kids.

    I think it gets easier when they are married, but you are still there mom.
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 2:11 PM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • I'm beginning to think it never happens...
    itsmesteph11

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 2:13 PM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • Once you become a parent, you are a parent forever, but there does come that time when each child has achieved independence so that you are no longer responsible for him/her. I really believe that it's different with each child and can't be defined as being at a certain point. I also think that it is so gradual that nobody probably realizes when it happens. Our children all lived at home well beyond the time when many children have left. They went to a local college and lived at home because it was more economical for them to do so. None of them was ever a burden to their dad and me. They knew the rules of the home and lived by them. They were somewhat independent but were always considerate about the hours they kept and being quiet when they came in. They knew that we were still interested in them and their friends and their activities, and we are thankful that we had that additional time to be influences in their lives.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:30 PM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • While you will always be there for them for advice and such. You have no authority to "raise" them after they have moved out. You can't punish; you don't make the decision any more. You have to be done when they are adults and that only happens when they move out. Once they move out you are only a consultant. You are no longer in charge. Boy I wish I was still in charge of my 24 yr old. She really could use a time-out.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:31 PM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • i say when they turn 12. i'll be done "raising" DS... but hopefully what i taught him back then, is enough so he can make his own decisions for his life. but i will guide him into the right/better decisions after he turns 12. i say 12 b/c by that point, he will have his peers trying to "raise" him as well- maybe not truly raise him, but he will go with their thoughts more b/c by then, moms/dads dont know anything b/c we are "so old" lol

    when will i stop guiding them? never. b/c even after my death, i hope what i teach DS, he lives by it- and he teaches his own kids
    Shy_Dia

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 2:34 PM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • I don't think it every stops. I'm 36 and I still ask my mom for advice, suggestions, etc. and I like knowing she's there for me. When I separated from my husband, they offered to let me live in their house, they worried about me being on my own, they called to check on me at least once/day. I will always be here for my kids and will offer any advice and support I feel like they need.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 3:04 PM on Apr. 13, 2010

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