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Starting over...advice?

I really am ready for a change in my life and I really feel as if that change will include changes in my personal life as well. Which in turn will affect my marriage. It is very complicated and has been a long running battle. I am not running away from the problems, just tired of fighting about nonsense. My fear is the affects on everyone and I am such a people pleaser that I hate to the reason for hurt in others, but maybe that is how I got to this point. By putting everyone else first. Has anyone ever done this and could you offer any advice how to ease the transition?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:31 PM on Apr. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • The only thing that I can tell you is if your not happy with your life or your personal situations then a change is definitely needed. It is better to be honest and face these problems head on than to go on pretending to be happy. Maybe you could approach your significant other about the way you are feeling and try to get into some counseling together (or alone) to see if this may help. At least if you ended up walking away you will know you tried your best to make it work. I wish you luck and happiness either way
    Ctink8189

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 4:36 PM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • Yes, I did this exact thing. I put up with a bad marriage for 3 years for fear of hurting him/his family. You have to do what is right for YOU! When a marriage ends someone will always be hurt, but you can't live your life in fear of that. When I ended my marriage to my ex I was amazed at the doors that opened for me. New job, new friends...and only a few mths after the divorce I met the most wonderful man in the world. We have been together for 7 1/2 years. It is very hard at first, especially if there are children. Just stay strong (you will probably second guess your decision) and make sure whatever you decide you do it for the right reasons! Good luck and wish you the best!
    rlhall1980

    Answer by rlhall1980 at 4:38 PM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • if your getting like a divorce or just starting over in general...my exfriend's mother had to get rid of the old memories when she got a divorce i believe it consisted of getting a new bed and some other things. so out with the old and in witht the new!
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 4:42 PM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • This seems to go with the sacrifice vs happiness question.

    Here's the deal. There's always compromise...but that does NOT mean putting yourself last all the time! If you are doing that, something is WRONG. And if others in your life are ALLOWING you to do it...something is WRONG.

    Counseling will probably help you out with this...I do suggest you talk to a professional.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:45 PM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • Boy, you sound just like me exactly. But it took me a year and a half to finally decide to make myself happy for a change and to take control for me and my child. I ended my marriage and we are divorcing now and I don't regret my decision and even if there are challenges ahead, I have a clear conscience because I was honest about my feelings and the issues in our relationship that he didn't want to work on.

    Best wishes to you.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 10:50 AM on Apr. 14, 2010

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