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How do you get over something that was never meant to be?

I thought my husband didn't love me he neglected me in almost everyway. I tried to do things that would help our marriage but he always decline. Over time I grew bitter and wanted out of the marriage but I remained. I confided in a women at work she was like a mother to me and she knew of my unhappiness. In the summer of 2008, I met someone where I worked. We became friends and he often visited my department. He was intelligent, handsome, witty, funny, gentle, kind, and all the things that I am attracted too. He often come by my department to talk to me and in a short time we became very fond of each other. I told him in the beginning I was married, naively I told him we could be friends. I respected status and tried to set boundaries. However, I fell in love with him but he lied to me. Now my heart needs to be with my husband but it needs repair. How do I get pass this stage besides time?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:41 PM on Apr. 13, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • First of all, don't let anyone judge you, we ALL make mistakes and need forgiveness. I agree with the above, you need to make a clean break from this. My ex husband neglected me to the point where I was miserable, we slept in different rooms and hardly ever had anything to do with each other. I met someone a month before I moved out and fell head over heels in love with him. It didn't work out, and I don't want my husband back, but if you can work on saving your marriage you should do whatever it takes to do that. I wish I had waited longer to start dating someone but whats done is done. Good luck in everything, I hope your marriage can be saved!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:42 AM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • First, I would say that if your husband doesn't know about any of this, you have a secret that is going to burn in you forever. You can't bury something like that without burying something else. Don't be surprised if you fall into a sink hole.

    Only you can decide if you want to be honest with your husband and tell him what happened and why. You would be taking a risk. Some can find it in their heart to forgive and some cannot. I think it worthwhile to risk it all for a relationship that is built on honesty and truth. I personally don't see much of a future in a relationship with hidden secrets and lies. Marriages that do survive such crisis have the potential for becoming so much stronger, and better also You may find that speaking the truth is part of the repair that you are seeking. It can move you past the place where you are now.
    NikkiMomof2grls

    Answer by NikkiMomof2grls at 7:52 PM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • If you are still working with the guy you need to get a new job. Make a clean break. You aren't going to get over him until you get away from him. Go to counseling and figure out if you want to even stay married. A counselor can help you cope.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 7:54 PM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • It sounds like you just want attention because you don't want to be alone. You don't want your husband so you stray to another guy. That doesn't work so you want to have things be ok with your husband again. It sounds like a big mess. Honestly, I think you should take a step back. Have some you time and figure out what it is that is really driving you to want your husband 'back'. If it is for the wrong reason, admit it and move on. If you really do love him and lost your way then you should come clean with him and ask him to work things out. Either way you should come clean.

    IzzeAddy

    Answer by IzzeAddy at 8:08 PM on Apr. 13, 2010

  • get marriage counseling to find out why you strayed int he first place. unless you left out a huge part of the story, the reasons you wanted another man are still there. the reasons your hubby declined offers is still there. the only thing that changed was you saw the grass is NOT greener on the other side of the fence. get some helkp to find out what you want and if dh wants the same, work on it.and if not, move on, figure out who you are, what you want and then , only then, look for a relationship. nothing good ever came from beginning in lies and betrayal. a man who wants a married woman,a nd has no respect for that boundary, isnt a good man.
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 2:03 AM on Apr. 14, 2010