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husband choosing himself over me????? TMI

ok so my husband has a very low sex drive he is only 21 but we have sex once and that is on the weekend i feel very lonely sometime well when the weekend comes around he is always soo lovey and we are inseparable and this to me is the way we show love to each other well this weekend he decided to do it himself while i was sleeping then didnt want to have anything to do with me what the heck?? i feel like he dont want me no more well i said something and he gave me some but it was horrible he just ponded me then went to bed well he said he wouldnt do it himself no more well i left the next day with the kids and he did it again!! do you think its me?? i feel so lonely and horrible?? i feel like he dont want me no more? hhheeelpppp

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:49 PM on Apr. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • I was in the same situation and I hate to admit this but I ended up cheating. When I finally told him about it he was angry at me but it got my point across that being selfish in a marriage is not acceptable. Me cheating was totally in the wrong but I have needs just like him and sex in a relationship or marriage is very important to this day our marriage is stronger than ever.
    You need to tell him look what your doing is not acceptable and something needs to change.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:05 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • Are you guys getting along outside of the bedroom? This could have a lot to do with it, are you being a good wife to him otherwise? Do you take care of yourself, make sure you look nice for him? I ask these questions only because I have been in the same situation my husband, who I thought didnt have that much of a sex drive really does when he is happier at home. We have gone from a once a week or less situation to a at least 4 times a week. Have you asked him why, and not in a judgmental way, I did this with my husband, and it turns out that there were a few reasons for it. One being that he was just tired, and he didnt want to have to do the work, in his words. Are you doing some a lot of the work, or expecting him to do it, this has helped me a lot, I take control over the situation. Look at whats going on with him, in your marriage, and if you still cant figure it out ask him, fix things and it will fix itself.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:12 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • Learn to spell, use punctuation properly, and to speak properly for that matter and you'll get more answers.

    As for your issue, talk to him. He may need to see a dr if its that big of a problem.

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 1:12 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • It is not you at all! Don't allow yourself to think that way. Masturbation is normal and healthy but it is a huge problem if a man is choosing this over sex with his partner. It is quick and simple for a man to do this so that is the appeal to them. But it totally undermines the bond and intimacy a couple has. Talk to him. Does he know you want more sex? Does he know what it means to you? Just let him know how you feel without accusing him. See if that works.

    Answer by bjane01 at 1:18 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • well you are not the only one. My DH and I used to have sex alot and he could cum in a descent time. Now if we have sex it could take 1-3 hours and we both get tired. I noticed this change when he changed jobs. I am guessing he is tired but he will watch porn when I am in the bed or even go in the bedroom to do himself. Sometimes he included me and we watch porn together. He seems to need it to speed things up. as bad as I hate to say that I would rather have some porn going on than to be having sex 3 hours and him getting all pissy cause he can't cum. I don't know what his problem is. Does your man take a long time to cum? I can see kind of why my DH masturbates BUT he does it too much like twice a day then expect to be able to have a 30 minute sex session, it just won't happen for him and it is stressful on both of us. I am starting to please myself cause I can't deal with this.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:14 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • Masturbation is normal and just about everyone does it. But a man that masturbates so much he can no longer have sex with his wife or he can't cum when having sex with her, well that's a problem, and it's HIS problem. You do need to make sure you tell him how it makes you feel, how you want to be intimate and close with him. See how he reacts to that, if he is concerned with your feelings and issues or if he just tries to blow it off and say it's not a problem. If he is open to trying to fix it, then try - if he completely blows off your feelings and need for intimacy, then he is probably a very selfish person and you will not get him to change. Then you need to make a decision about YOUR OWN life and what direction you want it to go in.

    Answer by TarLion at 7:03 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

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