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TMI PROBLEMS

ok so my husband and I are trying to work on our rocky marriage and we used to argue alot, and sometimes bicker at one another but now we calmed down alot cuz we dont want to fight or argue in front of our girls. During our arguements he would call me names like ur a B***h, ur a SL*T etc things like that. Plus he always brought up my ex's in our arguments and how they hated me etc. most of the time its just plain stupid. so the problem is he wants to have sex and be intimate but its a big problem for me cuz i am just not interesed in sex after being called a sl*t especially after having 2 girls with him? and if he cheated i dont think i would care? whats wrong with me?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:55 PM on Apr. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • You need to go to marriage counseling and learn to FIGHT FAIR. If you have an argument, that is fine and dandy, but keep it ON TOPIC and don't call each other names, etc.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:57 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • It is hard for a woman to be intimate with a man who thinks so little of her to call her names. There is nothing wrong with you for that. My ex would do that too. I would have no interest in sleeping with him after calling me a tramp during an arguement. Or saying that I probably have cheated on him. Yeah, that makes me want to sleep with you and share the most intimate things with you so you can hurt me again. You both need to learn how to constructively express your feelings without being degrading to the other person. How you fight is a true view of how you feel about the other person. If you can call someone a name during an arguement, then that's generally how you feel about that person and you are using the arguement as a reason to call them that, thinking that it will be forgotten about later.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 2:00 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • Learn to not take things personally. Those are just words that are used to try to make you feel demeaned. If you let them roll off your back he'll stop saying them. I have had times when I got angry over the argument and the adrenalin caused a major rush so sex was even better. Make that energy work for you not against you. I wouldn't tell him you are ok if he cheats. He might take you up on that thinking it's permission.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:14 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • "Those are just words that are used to try to make you feel demeaned. If you let them roll off your back he'll stop saying them"

    This can backfire sometimes though. I let a lot of things roll off my back" with my ex husband & he took that as an OK to do it even worse.

    It sounds like you are not in love with him. I knew i was not in love with my ex husband when i thought "i would not care at all if he left me for someone else, or cheated"

    I don't blame you for not wanting sex. How could anyone want to have sex with someone who can so easily disrespect you? I could not do it either...i have been in similar shoes.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 3:30 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • I have been there! I don't see how being called names and disrespected by one's spouse cannot be taken personally. This is your spouse, your life partner! Anyway, I would suggest counseling. I think it's great that you don't want to fight in front of your children, but I think you need help getting past his disrespect, and if he's continuing to do it, he needs to learn how not to. If you can get through that, the feelings may return.
    MeandMyBabes

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 1:56 PM on Apr. 15, 2010

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