Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My son and his girlfriend are "trying" to get pregnant so she can move out of her house.

My son came and told me that his girlfriend is being abused by her dad and uncle and the mother won't stop it. In the state that we live in, the teen can only drop out of school if she's pregnant or he's going to be a daddy, so she's going to try to get pregnant to be able to move in with my son and me. I discouraged this very strongly and told him that it was a life and that it's not a puppy that you can throw back or give away when it bothers you. My son then told me that he wanted to marry her and wanted to quit school himself to get a full time job and get them a place. He'll be 18 in 3 months and is in the 11th grade. Anyways, fast forward to today. He came home with a pregnancy test that is positive. What do I do? Let him lead his life or try to stop him and make him finish school? I am so lost.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:53 PM on Apr. 14, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (17)
  • OMG, I would kick him out of the house. There should have been an expectation long ago that he was not to get anyone pregnant while living under your roof, regardless of the circumstances.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:55 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • I would throw him out. He wants to make adult decisions, then let him go be an adult.

    Answer by Christina2135 at 2:56 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • I would in no way shape or form let the girl move in with you!! There are several things they could have done to get her help than for her to get pregnant to get away. Obviously he will be 18 and there is nothing you can do if he drops out but if he wants to remain in your home he has to go to school and work to help support his baby. Its hard but this situation needs tough love. I wouldnt borrow money to them. They just thought hey we can live together if I get pregnant let them see how much it takes to raise a family, find a place to live, pay bills, buy groceries. Do not let them play house under your roof.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:57 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • well you could not allow them to live with you. why would she need to drop out of school? if she is being abused she an leave. Couldn't she have stayed with a friend or just stayed with you? It is his choice to drop out or not, but i would encourage a degree. IF you can, you could let them stay with you til he graduates, then they have to get a place.. because a high shool grad is gonna do better than a drop out.

    Answer by missbreezy214 at 2:57 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • You can only be there for your son, give him advice, but quiting is not the right thing to do. Encourage him to finish. Having a baby does not give a minor the right to move out. I am confused about that. Is she a minor???

    Answer by KFree907 at 2:57 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • There are better ways of doing this. Talk to the school counselor or get child protection involved. You can do this for her. Having a baby and bringing yet another child into an abusive family situation is not the answer. If there is abuse this is where CPS needs to help out. They can get her removed from her home. So quitting school, having a baby when you are a baby yet yourself. Not the answer.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:10 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • I know alot a parents say put them out but I would NOT. I am a VP at a continuation HS and I deal with this daily. I know your hurt, dissappointed and scared for you CHILD dispite his age he is still a child and that is an issue you have to work through sepratly on your own time, you cant combine these into one joint rash decision. If you put him out then you are also putting your grandchild out and not starting a life in a supportive atmosphere, and unless abortion is an option whats done is done. Make him get a f/t job and dont let him drop out becasue one it puts odds negitively in his corner adn two becasue good parents are multitaskers. Set up rules and make him be a man while offering guidance so he and she can learn to be a parent, but do not do it for them! No open ended baby sitting exc. they need to contribute to the house, so that they can finish school and have a chance to be good parents.

    Answer by Perfection1908 at 4:19 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • If she really is pregnant then parenthood will bring its own realities. Yes this could have been handled in other ways but it is too late now.

    Answer by Perfection1908 at 4:23 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • If the girl is being abused, why didn't you call the police? Now there will be a new victim. This is such a sad story.

    Answer by rkoloms at 5:29 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • I truly think you should still call child protective services. This girl needs protection from whatever is happening to her at home. Now there is also a fetus to protect. You don't say how old she is, so calling the authorities may not be the best idea NOW, if your son can at all be charged with statuatory rape. (I am NOT saying he raped her, I'm saying the law could see it that way, depending on the laws of your state and the girl's age). I really empathize with you, because my 19 year old son has a gf who also claims "abuse" at home, but from what I can tell it's more cultural repression, dad is the authority figure and my son is not the "right" race. There's a lot of yelling at her house, but no one has ever physically hurt her. My heart goes out to you all. Feel free to PM me if you want.
    I realize I didn't say anything about what your son should do. I personally would not throw him out or turn away from him.

    Answer by kjrn79 at 9:04 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.