Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I need help with my 10 yr old son. I just found out 3 weeks ago that during a sleep over at his aunts home, my son woke in the middle of the night and crawled into bed with his younger cousin. She foumd my son giving her son oral under the covers.

This happened about 2 years ago, and I'm just finding out as of 3 weeks ago. I asked my son if it was true and he said yes. I asked why wasn't I told and he said his

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:29 PM on Apr. 14, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (11)
  • Do we know if it was his idea or the cousin's urging that he did that? Sometimes kids do what other kids tell them to do. I wouldn't over react but I would take it as an opportunity to talk to him about appropriate touching. I'd also tell him that if someone does this to him or forces him to do it to them, it's ok to say no and it's ok to come tell me. Kids sometimes want to please others to make them like them, even to the point of doing stuff like this. Bless his heart. Usually children that young are not curious as much as someone tells them to do it. I hope it wasn't some adult. This is why I encourage tattling. I want to know if someone touches my child. He needs to know HE did nothing wrong and that it's ok to talk about it.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:34 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • This is a learned behavior; chances are you son has been molested and will molest other children. He needs help, and the animal who did this to him needs to be in prison. Contact child services for help. Do it now. Good luck.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 5:08 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • This is a great time to talk to him about appropriate touching and especially the sex talk.
    Not knowing whether this was his idea or not it is hard to say what action would be appropriate to take. Due to the fact that if it was his idea, it would be a different course of action then someone else's. He does need to talk to a therapist. Children who are molested have a greater risk of molesting someone else, especially if the molestation was done at a young age. Though not all cases turn out in that manner, there is a high chance then if the child wasn't molested. If it was his idea and he encouraged this behaviour, then he will most likely have the urge to do it again at some point. Get the referal, or call around for a referal from other doctors and get him an appointment. (Contin)
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 5:20 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • If he has given you multiple stories then it is likely he hasn't told you the truth about the situation at all. That doesn't mean it was him pursuing the action any more then it was him being pursued. However, it does mean that he's hiding the true events from you. It's important that he knows the seriousness of this and that it is important for him to tell the truth. DO NOT tell him that he will not get into trouble if he tells the truth, because if it was him pursuing his cousin then the proper punishment needs to be made. Do not tread on this lightly. A sexual conduct between minors (or an adult and a minor) that is or is not consentual is serious. Especially if it was a forced or wrongfully encouraged act.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 5:24 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • It took her 2 yrs to tell you this?
    6IrishKiddos

    Answer by 6IrishKiddos at 11:32 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • You need to talk to your son one-on-one about this. No shaming but give the utmost respect and understanding. I agree with rkoloms, this is a learned behavior. I'm so sorry. You need to find out the person who did this to him and put that person behind bars. It happened 2 years ago and you just found out 3 weeks ago...that is something that you need to be concerned about. There are loopholes as to why you were not told. Your sister should have told you immediately after this happened. Not after two years...You need to get to the bottom of things.
    LavenderRose10

    Answer by LavenderRose10 at 4:29 AM on Apr. 17, 2010

  • I would be getting to the bottom of why you are finding out about it 2 years later, that isn't right. This is something that should've been mentioned right away, that night, not 2 years later. That's messed up.
    It is learned behavior, you need to talk to him and find out of he has been molested, if he hasn't you need to find out where he saw that. From a movie perhaps. This isn't normal 9 year old behavior, something is going on and needs to be found out. He may need to see a counselor too, esp if he won't open up to you. I hope you get things figured out. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:17 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • Also you need to have a talk with him and tell him thats inappropriate and he doesn't need to be doing that, it's wrong. If this isn't talked about and he isn't told how that's inappropriate behavior he could do it to a much younger child. I still think he needs to see a counselor, something is going on and he may need some help.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:20 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • I'd keep a close weatch on them from now on, when they sleep over each others house. that id disgusting. between two cousin s. yuck.
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 8:45 AM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • TROLL! I mean he is 10 now and this happened 2 years ago when he was 8? I don' think so. I don't even think so at 10. touching...maybe...oral...whatever.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:12 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN