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FIL swings DD by the arms

My FIL swings my 2 y/o by the arms. one hand, two hands, up and down and back and forth and even twists her. It makes me sick and I'm so worried he will hurt her. I let dd play rough and take risks that could hurt her but to me, this is something that is so unecessary and really easily could hurt her and cause lifetime problems. I've read about dislocations and had one as a child myself. I'm still dealing with it medically. I so greatly don't want to be the bad guy, though. I already told FIL that he scares me to death and will have to pay her med bills but I don't want it to get to that. But its really the only activity they do together so I feel guilty. I'm getting a lot of crap from my parents b/c they saw him do this at her birthday and they freaked. I hate that because I take the time to be aware of issues and good health choices that I get put in this postition. DH thinks its not so bad but I don't agree. help!

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mrs_pulley

Asked by mrs_pulley at 4:55 PM on Apr. 14, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 8 (251 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • I agree, they have a great time but dislocations are easy at that age, just ask him politely to do something else less risky.
    older

    Answer by older at 4:57 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • It can hurt her if he swings her by the hands, wrists, or forearm. However, if he holds her under the arms then she's fine unless they run into something or she drops. Holding her by above mentioned places can cause dislocation, it can cause small fractures, and other problems. If this bothers you then ask him to stop. This is your child and so you have the right to tell someone how not to play with her. Even if DH disagrees .. This is one area where you can say "No" without needing support from your DH. Just tell him that you don't like it, it makes you sick, and it could hurt her.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 4:58 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • I don't think it's that big a deal. As long as she isn't being yanked. Although i wouldn't like the one arm thing. Perhaps request that it must be two arms.
    But my uncle did this to me as a child and my FIL does it to my DS's. ...
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 4:58 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • My brother in law did that to my 4 year old nephew and dislocated his shoulder. Their little arms and shoulder sockets were not designed to take all of their weight.

    I used to be a CPS case worker and JazzlikeMraz is right.
    ThrivingMom

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 5:08 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • A friend of mine actually did this and dislocated her son's arm. I don't think it's a good idea to swing your children by the arms. Although it seems trivial and loads of fun, it can be painful.
    TheDiva320

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 5:28 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • yah my real battle is exactly that. it seems trivial but if you take some time to look into it, its really a bad idea. And while I don't look forward to the drama it will cause by telling him no (even nicely) I guess I'm really just upset that I'm always the one who looks into things, does my homework, asks questions and generally stays educated in these matters. And since its only me doing it, I'm the only downer telling people no, I don't want dd to have candy or watch tv before 1 etc etc. Reasonable things, yet it gets old to be the bad guy. I know how they see it- I did x with my kids and they turned out fine! I hate that arguement. its not even logical. but its how they think and I'm the jerk for caring enough to say something.
    mrs_pulley

    Answer by mrs_pulley at 8:05 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

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