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18 yr old stays at boyfriend's house (own room) then he stays here on couch

we are tired of it. she is in school and not working an he is not working so it started as a way to save gas. now they are not apart and it is not a good realationship. he has cheated on her and she is listed as single on facebook cause she has only dated him and wants to be able to go on dates.but they are never apart. she flips out at him and everyone else. she feels sick most of the time.i want her to cut the cord and leave him but she frets when she is away from him and can't be alone

any ideas?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:26 PM on Apr. 14, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (9)
  • Let her live her life. She has to learn.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:30 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • You allow her boyfriend to stay at your house, this is the kind of trouble it causes.
    my2kids312

    Answer by my2kids312 at 11:40 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • I agree. It's your home, you set the rules. If they can't abide by them, she can get a job and move out. If they have to support themselves I doubt that this relationship will last long. Right now they simply have it 'way too easy. No, you can't live their lives for them, but you also don't have to tolerate this in your home either.........NanaR46
    NanaR46

    Answer by NanaR46 at 12:01 AM on Apr. 15, 2010

  • You can't really control her staying at his house; that's not your house, so not your rules. You CAN, however, change the rules at your house. Don't let him stay at your house anymore. Set some rules. If she's in school, set some grades she has to have (i.e., she can only live at home, rent and job free, if she maintains a minimum C average or something like that). If you want her to work, tell her to get a job. Set some rent you want her to pay and if she doesn't pay it, make her move out, if that's how you want to handle it. She's an adult, so there's a lot about her life you can no longer control, such as her boyfriend and whether she wants to stay at his house overnight. But what happens in your house is still under your control, and you need to take back that control. Good luck!
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:31 AM on Apr. 15, 2010

  • Your home, your rules, You don't want him spending the night, say so and then uphold it.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 3:38 PM on Apr. 15, 2010

  • Is she still in high school? If so then you can control her staying at his house....my sons are 18 and 19yo Seniors and they don't go anywheer without our permission and if we say no they don't argue. Until they graduate we are still the ones they have to answer to. PERIOD. Also, you CAN control his staying there...PERIOD. If she is not still in high school then all you can control is hisstaying there.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:09 PM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • If she's still living under your roof and you are not approving of her staying the night at her boyfriends house, you still have control over it...I remember being 18, thinking I was grown, staying out one night at my boyfriends house, oh did I catch heat when I walked through the doors of home. My parents were furious..no overnight staying at my bf house until I was grown and on my own...I say grown because if you're 18, still living under your parents roof, then your not grown....grown people have thier own and set their own rules...Just my thoughts!
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 11:32 AM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • it's your house. you can't make her do anything, but you can lay down rules of your house. you can also let her know that if she is living at your home, you expect her to be home unless other arrangements are made - it's a safety/courtesy issue.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 4:48 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • If she' can't seem to completely let go. Then I agree with Anon.11: 30. she'll learn. if they can't seem to get alone why is she sleeping at his house. and why is he sleep[ing at your house. If their life is such a mess they need space from each other.why doesn't she come home. She can still remain friends with him and go out. And it might be even a little easier for her to meet other guys and go out.
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 9:28 AM on Apr. 23, 2010

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