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the more i think about it- the more i regret it. DS's visit with his bio-dad

DS is 4. Bday is Oct. he met his dad when he was 3. for a month. Dad left. dad re-entered. they seen each other the other night, for about a hour. DS was VERY excited/happy about it. we plan on another visit for them this saturday- to have dad tell DS goodbye, bd is "sick" (mentally) and leaving to get help- rehab, and will be back when he gets better. during his rehab, they can talk on the phone and letters and all that.

but i have this strong feeling that he wont come back. mine and DS's lives before was fine. ds doesnt have a dad, but he has a man who is there for him EVERY DAY. i regret allowing the small visit the other night, and i have a feeling i'll regret this upcoming visit.

should i still go through with it? it'll be their goodbye, so DS wont be left thinking he did something wrong again.

bd has no visitations or rights.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:28 PM on Apr. 14, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (3)
  • At first I typed to let the visit happen and let them say goodbye. But then I had another thought. Your instincts may be telling you to not allow this visit due to some sort of danger to your DS. If this person IS sick, they may be unstable enough to be a threat?

    If you feel that strongly cancel the visit. Just say he had to go early to get better and that they can still write and phone but nothing in person and nothing in private and don't ever allow DS to be alone with him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 AM on Apr. 15, 2010

  • the plan is to take them to the zoo. i'll ALWAYS be with them- and of course, at the zoo, there'll be a lot of people. hopefully- its supposed to be 50 degrees during the day. the mental illness is more drug and alcohol addiction and maybe bi-polar, but i could be wrong with that. his emotions ARE crazy, but people on drugs are crazy as well. he's taking a drug test before getting in the car to ensure that he is drug-free for however long. i'm trying to take precautions with it- for mine and DS's safety. but i dont think that we will be in immediate danger..

    i'm just not sure of the lasting effect it may have on DS if BD never returns. what if he bails out on getting better? (if he doesnt do the rehab and prove that he is clean, i refuse any future visits- and BD knows it). or if he sees DS and just never attempts the communication with DS afterwards.


    Answer by Anonymous at 12:15 AM on Apr. 15, 2010

  • what if he begins to think that all guys will leave- his BD left before, and came back, and is leaving again-- but at least this time, BD will be saying bye, right? but what if DS takes it out on the guy who is there for him every day? do/can 4 year olds retailiate like that?

    i'm just scared of the outcome of whatever i do.. if i dont allow it- DS might be mad b/c he never got to say bye.. but if i do allow it and BD bails in any way, will DS hold it against me/someone else?

    being a mom is hard! trying to make the right decision for someone else, is even harder. :-(

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:17 AM on Apr. 15, 2010

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