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dont know what to do please help

i should probably post this anon because im sure i am going to get bashed here but oh well i hate posting anon. Anyhow, my husband and I have been married since july 09, we got married rather quickly, anyhow for about the past 4 months he has just been an ass! im talking the day my grandfather died and i was bawling my eyes out, he didnt even try to hold me or anything, i had a miscarriage in march he turned around told me it was my fault because im "too unhealthy" (im not unhealthy, he says this because i dont work out and i eat junk food, mind you im 5'5" and weigh 115! so its not like im over weight because i dont work out and i eat junk) when i had to go in for surgery for a D&C after the miscarriage he refused to take the day off from work and go with me... i almost died, i stopped breathing the minute they put me to sleep! He bitches nonstop that the house is "nasty" ha far from it! the only way i would consider (contin)

 
mommie2twogirls

Asked by mommie2twogirls at 11:30 PM on Apr. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Level 4 (29 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (20)
  • I'm assuming this is a second marriage for both of you?? Was he like this before? Is he perhaps bipolar or some other mental problems, or is he simply a very controlling person? No matter what, it certainly does not sound like a healthy relationship to me. I would suggest either marriage counseling or at least talking to his friends/family about his past since you didn't know him very long before you married him. There may be more going on than you know.........or maybe he's suddenly feeling trapped. IDK but it doesn't sound good. I wish you all the best, and hope you find answers soon. NanaR46
    NanaR46

    Answer by NanaR46 at 11:52 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • the house "nasty" in any way his HIS NASTY dog that his mother got us in jan that shits and pisses all over the house and he wont let me get rid of the darn thing. seriously if i could post pics in this forum i would post pics of my house, most people walk in my house and are like how the heck do you keep it so clean with 4 kids??? ill be the first to admit its NEVER perfect but seriously whos house is when they have kids, i make him brownies almost daily because he loves brownies, i get up at 5 am and make him and his whole work crew muffins (not every morning, but a lot) i make dinner twice a night when he doesnt make it home in time to eat with us, i dont ask him to handle any of the kid stuff, because i view it as thats my job, he works i stay home (but i am in school) the other night he said to me "you're not my wife you are some chick i live with" i am sooooo hurt by this, more hurt then him blaming the miscarriage (cont
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 11:35 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • on me. I have taken off my wedding ring and ha go figure now he wants to act all sweet and loving (the man i am use to and fell in love with) but for the past four months its been like this back and fourth one minute hes sweet and loving and the next i cant even believe the things coming out of his mouth! i cant take it being so hot and cold ya know? what can i do to fix this without threatening to leave? i have already told him once things need to change or we werent going to make this work. I am careful not to say you need to do ... or you do this wrong, ya know? i try to say it as WE NEED ...... i have tried doing better on cleaning and such but i am not a perfect person i dont want to say this will be over if X doesnt happen because i dont want that to be the only reason its getting better because then its just going to go back to how it was i need it to change because he sees there is a problem
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 11:38 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • u have had 4 kids since July 09?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:39 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • He has two and she has two. Please, I feel for you honey. You're such a sweet girl. He sounds like he is taking advantage of your very sweet nature. But think back to your other men in your past. Which is better now or then? Yes, he needs to make adjustments with you and respect you better, but he is 100 times better than who you were with before. You are a much better woman now.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:44 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • This sounds way too familiar to me. My ex was an abuser, and this is what abusers do. The put downs, the anger, that constant feeling of walking on egg shells,,,all descriptions of a man who needs power and control over his spouse. Nothing is ever good enough with these kind of men and it only gets worse, never better. There is a support group in cm called, "Domestic Violence Survivors, Power Of Being Free" Check it out,,,see if you feel comfortable in the group. I was married to my ex for 12 yrs and it just kept getting worse. In the end he was arrested got a felony coniction and spent a year in jail for it. Life can be soooo much better then this! Good luck hon
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:48 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

  • I don't understand why people get married in a rush. Get to know the person, marriage is for life for God's sake. Don't tell me he changed over night after the wedding ceremony.
    cristinaberger

    Answer by cristinaberger at 12:04 AM on Apr. 15, 2010

  • anon 44 pm me so i know who you are lol.... clearly you know me lol
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 12:07 AM on Apr. 15, 2010

  • Nana, honestly i see signs of bipolar in him (i know because i am bipolar)
    Christina, things were good up until about 4 months ago, and then it wasnt an over night change, it was progressive over the month of dec, i put it off at that time to stress at work (one week in dec he work 134 hours in 7 days) and then at the end of dec he got a promotion and is now in charge of his own crew of 4-6 guys so at first i put it off to stress at work ya know? I can tell you I love this man soooooo much! And I knew it from the first time i met him and he has changed ALOT since meeting me (according to friends and family) all for the better not in a bad way lol

    Anon 48, i have been in abusive relationships, hell my ex hit me with his car to try to stop me from leaving!!!! I know the signs of an abuser, the signs i havent personally seen i have learned enough about as a criminal justice major, honestly although the things he has (cont)
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 12:13 AM on Apr. 15, 2010

  • although the things he has been doing or should i say the way he has been treating me, is NOT exceptable to me in any way shape or forum, he is the gentlest person i have ever met, not saying emotion abuse isnt just as bad, but i would in no way shape or forum classify him in the cat. of a psychial abuser
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 12:15 AM on Apr. 15, 2010