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While DH was on leave, did your in laws crowd you?

How did you deal with DH's family demands? I'm not talking to the ladies who have wonderful in laws and have beautifully put together family parties. This is a very dysfunctional family. Besides, a man and a wife who've been apart for going on 6 months need time ALONE. DH is coming in on leave in June and we want to be left alone except for a party we're having. DH wants to limit his time with them. They haven't made an effort to contact him since he's been gone, and he's not too happy about it. He wants to spend his time with me and our 3 boys (one of which is going to be 1 year old in June). So if you have experienced this, how did you and DH deal with it?


Asked by Anonymous at 11:48 PM on Apr. 14, 2010 in Just for Fun

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I think the in laws should back off this time around. Is he back for good or is he returning to wherever he came from since you mentioned that he is on leave? Either way, this leave time should be for you and the kids. Not for inlaws, parents, brothers, sisters, friends, etc. He is on borrowed time as it is and the last thing he needs is to be pulled in 50 different directions, trying to please everyone and have time taken away from his family. Yes, I have been through this. Yes, I have an obnoxious MIL too. You are not being selfish. They're going to have to accept that bit and if they don't like it, as my husband would say, they can eat a bag of dicks.

    Answer by Izsarejman at 2:44 AM on Apr. 15, 2010

  • Are you sure it is not you trying to push them away? He could be sensing your animosity towards them and is telling you what you want to hear. They are his family, they raised him, he is their son/brother/grandson/nephew. They deserve to see him as much as you and your children do.

    Answer by MillyPontipee at 12:00 AM on Apr. 15, 2010

  • My DH is no longer in the military and we've never dealt with him coming home from leave, but have dealt with IL issues. It's really quite simple. If they want to come say, "I'm sorry, that doesn't work for us. Perhaps we can see you for such and such holiday". No is a complete sentence and as adults you are not obligated to anyone but your spouse and children.

    You do not have to justify, argue, defend, or explain (J.A.D.E.).  Just say no and leave it at that.


    Answer by nwdeserangel at 12:02 AM on Apr. 15, 2010

  • I agree just say it doesn't work for you guys. They'll get the point.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:06 AM on Apr. 15, 2010

  • My DH is honest with me, thanks. My HUSBAND dislikes that his family are overbearing. My HUSBAND decided that HE doesn't want to see them except for the party we are throwing for our child. I DO NOT decide what he will or won't do. I am his wife, not his warden. His family are nut jobs and only called to ask him for money or a favor while he was here. So I support him in HIS decision to see them when HE wants to see them. Jeez.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:12 AM on Apr. 15, 2010

  • I'd say to tell them about the party and tell them that the rest of the time he's home is just for ya'll. Reasonable people will be happy that they have a chance to see him at all. Just because they are family doesn't excuse them from being nice, having manners, whatever. How long has he been gone? Seems like his great family who "deserve" to see him would have contacted him if they cared so much. If it were my son and he was in for leave, I'd know my place and be happy that he wanted to spend time with his three kid and wife. But that's just me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:18 AM on Apr. 15, 2010

  • Go out of town.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:19 AM on Apr. 15, 2010

  • My MIL and SIL tried to pull that last deployment when he returned. They did not contact me the entire time he was gone to check up on us or whatever. They did not wish the kids a Merry Christmas or anything. They were persistent with him to the point he told them he was coming back a few weeks later than he actually did.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:58 AM on Apr. 15, 2010

  • OP here! Yeah, DH is pretty ticked that his own mother hasn't bothered to pick up the phone when he's called. He is missing so much of our youngest son's life right now, so I don't know why anyone would blame him for wanting to spend every waking moment with his boys and I while he can. We're the ones that appreciate him and actually show that we miss him. I don't get what his family's deal is. I've asked MIL several times to come over to our house and visit, and talk to DH on Skype but she is always too busy.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:07 AM on Apr. 15, 2010

  • Never heard "eat a bag of dicks!" I am so using that very soon! LMFAO!! He is going back to Iraq after his R&R for the rest of the year. He'll be back for good in January. I'm inclined to do what he wants and help him do what he wants, ya know? He is the one that mentioned it to me that he wished we could stay out of town the whole time. We are going out of town for a short trip but we'll be here for the rest of the time. I am always the bad guy anyway, so I can do the dirty work. It's not like any of his family has a lot to do with him unless they want/need something.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:55 AM on Apr. 15, 2010