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Q for Wiccans in covens.

I am a HPS of a coven with my HP. I invited a women who was interested to attend a few open circles. Now she feels apart of our coven. Many members have now brought it to my attention that she just doesn't fit in and is completely lacking in any want to develop a path on her own. She is solely relying on this group to teach her without reading a single book or following any other interests in more than spell working. She is repeating what others say as her own thoughts just moments later.

I have never come across this issue as everyone that has ever been interested in our group has worked out fine and was welcomed by all. I am a kind person who likes to see the good in all yet I want to keep the peace in my coven. Our HP agree with other members that her lack of self motivation and her urging of learning spell work instead of spiritual growth concerns him.

I do agree but how do I cut her out without hurting her feeling?

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:55 PM on Apr. 15, 2010 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (13)
  • Maybe, rather than cutting, you give her guidance. Some people need to be taught how to do for themselves, if she doesn't know to grow on her own- the best thing you can do is give her the straight up truth and help her learn for herself. It would be sad for her experience to be tarnished because she was cut and not properly set for moving on.

    Answer by HistoryMamaX3 at 2:03 PM on Apr. 15, 2010

  • the problem is she doesn't care to learn anything more than spell working, she said so to another member. She is looking for Witchcraft and we are far more than that. Her lying is also rubbing people the wrong was as well. I'm concerned as she is already telling people she is initiated when she has only attended 2 Sabbat rituals that were "open" rituals. She is lying and repeating what our members say, saying she read books she already said she didn't, her statements are almost word for word. Someone is going to freak out on her and I'm concerned this will cause some terrible problems within our group.

    Problem is, she is socially awkward and her "humor" is also upsetting others as well. We have all tried to make comments that would gently give her the hint that her comments are offensive and odd. She doesn't know us and will say very personal comments many feel are not her right to say being a guest to our coven.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:12 PM on Apr. 15, 2010

  • You are the HPS. You need to nip this in the bud. Sit down with her and a cup of coffee and explain to her what's going on. Tell her that if she wishes to be a part of your Coven, certain standards must be up held. Don't invite her to any more circles. If needed, refer her to another group, a teaching group.

    Just explain to her what's what. If you hurt her be it.

    Answer by MamaK88 at 3:09 PM on Apr. 15, 2010

  • The way I see this you basically have two options: You can try and work with this person to get her to see that this is more than just spells, and try to get her interested in taking a more spiritual path and doing some homework on her own, or you can just gently tell her that she isn't fitting in with the group and seems to have different interests so it would be better for both sides if she moves on. It doesn't necessarily seem like you will be able to work with her from what you are describing though. Some people are just a little crazy, don't mesh well with others, etc, and sometimes you just have to accept that, cut them loose and move on. It would be nice if you could get people to see the light but that can be very hard to do, and despite genuine efforts it isn't always possible. I think you have an obligation to put the needs of the coven above the needs of, or desire to help, this one person.

    Answer by MaryMW at 3:19 PM on Apr. 15, 2010

  • If you have a local Pagan group you can always refer her to them. Out here we have plenty of members that did not want to be apart of a system of hierarchy and only wanted to learn spell work. I myself thought I wanted to be in a coven, it was not for me. If there is not a Pagan group in town then there should be one in a near by town. We who are Pagan maybe a little harder to locate but we are here.  Pagan groups have members from ALL paths ranging from some who are still Christian to Satanist.  If she lives in the Seattle/Tacoma area, we'd love to have her come learn with us.  Good luck to you and yours. 


    Answer by pnwmom at 7:15 PM on Apr. 15, 2010

  • Truthfully whether she fits in or not I don't see where that is the point. Shouldn't you want to help her understand and learn. You never know she might suprise you and learn more when she comes out of her shell and feels more comfortable.

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 7:28 PM on Apr. 15, 2010

  • That's the beauty of Paganism is we sit and we learn together. We do SOME spiritual work but we don't require it. If a person wants to focus on just spell work then that is fine too. I understand that Wicca likes to focus a lot on the spiritual aspects and that is probably why she may need to be with just a study group. Wicca is a beautiful peaceful path with lovely followers that I adore. In my Pagan group we have covens that we see at some gatherings that refer people to us all the time. Maybe let her know she may want to do a self dedication into Paganism and not Wicca. Although there are some solitary Wiccans too. There are some who only practice witch craft in our group that don't do any spiritual work at all. I hope she finds someone to study with at least. Have her try and see if she can find a group there.

    Answer by pnwmom at 7:35 PM on Apr. 15, 2010

  • Maybe she is just looking for somewhere to fit in. There are some people who get involved and it's not really their path in life. Sometimes they are really aware of that. They are just sort of searching for something, mainly acceptance and a place to be involved in something. Sometimes certain things attract us and then when we get right down to it, it's not really what we were looking for. You should talk with her one on one first away from the group and ask her how she really feels and if you can help her in any way because you have noticed things in her behavior that concern you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:41 PM on Apr. 15, 2010

  • 3rd sentence should say: "Sometimes they AREN'T really aware of that."

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:42 PM on Apr. 15, 2010


    this might help

    Answer by MorriganzMommy at 10:28 PM on Apr. 15, 2010

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