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I am too selfish to be a wife and mother....can i change and how?

I am a 25 year old SAHM to a 3 and 1/2 year old and married to a great guy. I am very selfish. I know this about myself. I give my kid whatever she wants whenver she wants it because i just want her to leave me the hell alone. So....Is it possible for me to change...I want to but my kid is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO out of control that i can't stand it anymore and i am fully aware that her behavior is my fault...I know the things i need to do to make it better but, I can't seem to do it...I try every moring...I wake up saying "today is the day. I am going to be consistent and i am not going to put up with her behavior. " However about 2 hours in I just want her to leave me alone because i can not stand listening to the crying and the out of control screaming and tantrums and the kicking hitting and biting.SOOOO How can I change...what tips can you give me that will help me become a more patient mother and get this under control?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:50 AM on Apr. 16, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (28)
  • when i get frustrated i just leave the room...(usually if i know im gonna lose it) but when he thinks he can throw a fit,i send his butt to his room or i make him face the sorry mom but what you just said is not called "selfishness" its called "lazyness" im not gonna tell you im a perfect mom but one thing i would like to share with you is... the longer you wait the bigger the problem will become.

    Answer by BUSYLOVINGHIM at 2:58 AM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • I'll agree with PP. The longer you wait the worse it will be. Think about your child in 10 years. That is going to be hard to handle. Do you know of any Moms who you deal with on a personal level that could assist you? Maybe some one who has some methods that you can handle and that will work with your child? That would be my suggestion. Not that I mean let some one else discipline your child, but get some ideas from a person who can sit with you and MAKE you be consistent. I know it sounds bizarre, but if some one is there to give you support you're more likely to be consistent.

    Answer by Mrs.B3 at 3:03 AM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • Wow. You sound like I did. There are a few things for you to do. ABSOLUTELY NUMBER ONE IS GET TO A DOCTOR. Get a full workup including bloodwork. There are some medical conditions that cause us to be intolerant and grumpy and if they get bad enough can cause depression and other problems.
    So then the next step is get bedtime under control. I don't care what time you get up or what you get done but kid is in bed by 8 and you by 10. (NOT FOREVER, just until things get under control.)
    Try doing just this for a week. You need consistant sleep and you will be able to deal with a lot more.
    Out of every hour take a ten minute break. (Again, you will not be doing this forever!)

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:05 AM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • On your break, pray, exercise, walk around the house...turn on music and dance. I don't care what...just NO housework, NO GUILT, and NO ANGER allowed during those times.
    After a few days of doing these things let me know how you are feeling. Post an update!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:06 AM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • I agree with Busylovinghim.
    Also, just change the way you think. Make your child your priority. Do activities with her and really listen when she talks to you. The only reason she is acting like this is because she wants you to pay more attention to her and even negative attention is attention or you just getting her candy is attention. Your life will be so much easier if you just enjoy her. It's hard to believe this right now but one day you will miss these days. Good luck!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:07 AM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • You will be able to get past this. I PROMISE. Just remember to take care of you so you can give your best to her. You will learn parenting skills as you go. Be patient with yourself!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:08 AM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • Well being that you seem to be as selfish as you think you are maybe you shouldn't have become either. You shouldn't have spoiled her in the first place. It's your own fault and you need to stop being lazy and change that. As for yourself - The only way to change oneself is to CHANGE. You recognize that you need to so stop giving into your own selfishness and do it already. The world doesn't revolve around you. You have a child now and you need to discipline her before she grows up to be as selfish and as spoiled as you. If you can't change sounds like you don't DESERVE to be a wife or a mother.

    Answer by SinaiJ at 3:11 AM on Apr. 16, 2010


    The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 3:12 AM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • Ya this is just lazyness you just explained and your child needs you to be a present parent not a lazy one. You don't have it that bad you have a great DH as you said and you have and great 3 1/2yrs old that to be honest is acting like this cause you give in and always have so stand yourself up and brush yourself off and go to the mirror and look at yourself and tell yourself your gonna do this and fix what your lazyness has done. I am very sure your a great momma you just need to get off your ass and be one. You are missing so much in her life right now do this.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:30 AM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • Please don't listen to them OP. I have a feeling there is more to this story and you need help. PLease don't let the negative people hurt you. Get help.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:37 AM on Apr. 16, 2010

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