Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I just found out that I am pregnant but my marriage is in SERIOUS trouble. Anyone been through this? ADVISE PLEASE!

My husband and I are having major problems. We haven't slept in the same bed in over 2 weeks. We have talked about seperating but are trying to hold it together for the kids. We already have 2 kids.

Well I just took 2 HPTs and they are both positive. All I can do is cry. I called my husband and he started crying too because we both know this is just going to make things 10 times harder.

All we do is fight. Also I've been drinking and smoking ciggrettes a LOT lately just trying to be happy and stay mellow. Now I'm terrified about what that could have done to the baby.


Has anyone been through this? How did things turn out? ADVISE PLEASE!!

***Just a note...we don't believe in abortion so, please, do not suggest it. If there is one thing we can agree on it's our oposition to abortion.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:29 PM on Apr. 16, 2010 in Pregnancy

Answers (20)
  • Stop being selfish and get an abortion. Think about the baby and the harm you've already caused it, think about your other children and what you would be asking them to sacrifice, and think about your lives as a whole. My aunt did this and today that child is 13 they have stayed together but treat the youngest one with resentment and are very unhappy. I have never asked her and she's very against abortion but if she was being honest i bet she wishes she had one.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:40 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • Wow anon, that is the cruelest answer I've heard. Just because your aunt resents her kid doesn't mean OP would. It's not selfish to not get an abortion its actually a selfless act. Letting a child have its fair chance at life is in NO way selfish.
    I would take a step back, look at your relationship and see what needs work. If those are things worth working on, get to it girl! If not, maybe looking into adoption would help.
    I hope everything works out for you!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:44 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • Selfish would be me murdering my child because he or she didn't come along at the most convienant time. Get a life first anon poster. Didn't your mother ever teach you that if you didn't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all?

    It's NOT my baby's that I am in this mess.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:46 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • have you thought that maybe JUST MAYBE this baby is a blessing? this baby could save you and your dh's relationship.what are you guys fighting about? small things, things that CAN be worked on? everything happens for a reason. ou guys if there there is still love there, and you want this marriage to work and will put in all you have into making it work than it is possible.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:46 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • Yeah I agree-this baby is a blessing for you. Just work (easier said than done) diligently on your marriage - as you go. It WILL work out in the end. GOOD LUCK AND CONGRATS.
    khf22

    Answer by khf22 at 12:56 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • I don't think the first answer is that bad and I won't hid behing anon. All options should be considered including abortion. The "in thing" right now is to say "I'm against abortion". A married couple isn't going to give a baby up for adoption. Having a baby that has been exposed to alcohol and compromised in the critical early stages of development is difficult for anyone. She will have to care for a child that may developmental delays or behavior problems or worse alone and the father will have to pay support for 18-21 years.


    I had two children and then a third with my second husband. We separated while I was pregnant and the baby was premature. I raised the baby alone and he had developmental delays, low IQ, bipolar disorder, and a rare genetic immune deficiency. I would not wish my life on anyone.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 12:58 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • I have always heard not to worry too much about doing things and first finding out you are pregnant, just try to do things right now. I know things are probably really emotional and hard right now but just try to keep your self busy. Enjoy this new miracle growing inside you! Remember It is such a blessing that you are able to have babies! I know every couple goes through hard times some time in their relationship just keep strong and try working it out, if there is nothing there at least you know you tried really hard. I know you can do it! You have two kids already and one more will just be another blessing. everything will work out like god planned it. I'll be thinking about you and i hope everything smoothes over quickly for you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:58 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • When I found out I was prego with my son I had broken up with my bf and was going to leave to move that day. I stayed..... we were happy for a while but now we sleep in different rooms, never have sex and fight all the time but since I'm not working that much I'm stuck
    June_Mama09

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 1:16 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • Have you looked into marriage counseling? Sometimes if you can have a third party look at what you are doing, you can find new, more effective ways of handling conflict. Most churches either have a licensed family counselor, the pastor does the counseling, or they can refer you to one. Any doctor's offices should also be able to give you some recommendations on good family counselors. I agree that this baby could be helpful in giving you both a reason to work things out; however you should not expect things to just work out on their own b/c you are pregnant. Not saying you are, but I know a couple who thought having a child would fix things; it didn't and now they are trying to work things out to stay together for their son's sake. If you need someone to talk to, ever, feel free to pm me. I hope you guys can get things sorted out. This sort of stress isn't good for the baby.
    preacherskid

    Answer by preacherskid at 1:31 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • Also, you might try other ways to relieve stress than smoking and drinking. Meditation is a good way to do it, so is yoga, which is also good for you to do now that you're pregnant anyway- it works all the muscles you need strong for childbirth. Find someone to watch the kiddos a few times each month and take some time to yourself. Listen to relaxing music, do some gentle yoga, take a walk, read a favorite book, anything that relaxes you. You won't know until the baby is born how your smoking and drinking affected its health, really. You can stop doing those things now to avoid continued risk, though.
    preacherskid

    Answer by preacherskid at 1:36 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.