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MY TENN DAUGHTER JUST TOLD US THIS WEEK SHE WAS MOLESTED LAST YEAR BY HER UNCLE HOW CAN I HELP HER?

LAST MARCH MY UNCLE CAME TO LIVE WITH MY FAMILY. WE GREW UP TOGETHER THERE IS ONLY 10 YRS BETWEEN US. AFTER 2 MONTHS HE HAD GAINED MY DAUGHTERS COMPLETE TRUST AND DEVOTION. HE TURNED HER AGAINST US AND HER FRIENDS TO ISOLATE HER. ALL THE TIME TELLING ME SHE HAD A LOT OF THINGS GOING ON IN HER LIFE BUT WAS TO SCARED TO TELL ME.SO HE MADE ME BELIEVE HE WAS SPENDING EXTRA TIME AND ATTENTION ON HER TO GET INFO FOR ME. THE WHOLE TIME HE WAS MOLESTING HER RIGHT UNDER OUR ROOF WHILE WE WERE AT WORK.SHE JUST GOT THE COURAGE TO TELL ME 3 DAYS AGO .HE IS IN JAIL BUT NOW SHE HAS HAD TO TELL HER STORY 10 TIMES AND HAS SAID SHE WISHED SHE NEVER TOLD. SHE IS EMBARRASSED AND MY FAMILY HAS TURNED AGAINST US. HOW DO I KEEP HER FROM GETTING DISCOURAGED DURING THE LEGAL PROCESS? I KEEP TELLING HER IM PROUD OF HER. AND HE HAD ALL THE CONTROL FOR SO LONG I NOW TRY TO LET HER MAKE THE DECISIONS TO LET HER FEEL SHE NOW HAS CONTROL OF HER LIFE.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:40 PM on Apr. 16, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • WHY did your family turn against you :(

    Im really sorry...she is doing the right thing..just keep telling her that..
    ryanlynn

    Answer by ryanlynn at 4:46 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • get her some counseling for sure. maybe even group if she is ok with that, she needs to know she is not alone. keep telling her you are proud of her. dont push her to talk about it but you will probably be her best confidant. the legal process for this kind of thing is traumatizing in itself so if she is not comfortable with it tell her she doesnt have to do anything she doesnt want to, but they do need her story to make things right. just make sure she feels safe above all. and if it happened in the house ask her if there is anything she would like to take out of the house or change about it. this happened to me in my own bedroom at 13 and me and my mom decided to redecorate and paint my room. it gave us time to bond and make my space mine again.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:48 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • oh this just breaks my heart.. how can people do this .. ugh.. I am so sorry
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 4:56 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • She may never feel like she has complete controll. One thing that helped me after I told on my step dad and was put into foster care was my foster dad who told me that he would do it again to somone eles if somone didn't stop him, and that right then, my story was the only thing they had to do that. Thinking about him doing that to anyone eles mad its seem worth fighting for. If she has her father invovled in her life, he really needs to step in and be there to love on her. I grew up feeling like my only value was my body, that was really hard to shake and sometimes I still stuggle with it. She probably feels loads and loads of shame. I felt so shamefull and dirty, used , broken, worthless... like I had been devalued and would never be wanted again. She needs lots of counceling. Right now she needs encouragment, love, support, but don't push her, and never say you understand, that always made me angry.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 7:23 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • If you would like feel free to IM me. Its been 13 years since it all ended, but its all still fresh in my mind. So while its impossible to understand her exact position, I do have an understanding of what she is generally feeling.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 7:25 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • Get her into counseling NOW. Do not pursue charges until SHE Is comfortable with it. SHE is the one who will have to relive the abuse over and over again until the scumbag is sentenced. She will be interviewed by many people, testify in court... so she has to be emotionally stable to do so. I am NOT saying to let the scum get away with it, just wait until she is ready. A counselor will help her out. And the counselor will be LEGALLY manadated to report the abuse to the police.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:13 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • Just keep telling her that you are proud that she told and tell her every chance you get that it is not her fault. Also tell her how he is stopping him from doing this to any other girls. Sometimes that's enough to make someone stronger. If your family wants to turn their backs on you do the same to them and when they try to come back tell them that you don't need people like them in your life. Counseling would be good too but make sure that she is comfortable with who she is seeing because if she isn't it won't help her.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:20 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • tyfry7496: Sexual abuse is something that you can relive no matter what happens. Even after the person is sentenced and sadly even after the person is dead. It never goes away. You just learn to deal with it and not let it control your life. I was molested by my mom's ex and I still remember it and it comes back at times that are unexpected and he is dead and has been dead for awhile now.

    JAIRATRACI

    Answer by JAIRATRACI at 10:24 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

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