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I am engaged, been with him for 9 years, and I have fallen for some one else...

I met him when I was 17 and we have been together since. He has 2 kids, and I have been there raising them, a mother at 18 basicly. I got pregnant and had our daughter she is 5 now. It's been 9 years and we have had our differences, but stayed toghther. I recently started a new job and a few new hobbies. I have made some lifestyle changes, and I think I'm moving in a different direction lately. Well there is a man I met, and I have feelings for him, and he feels the same. We acted upon it and I have never felt this way about anyone. It is the most intense feeling when I'm with him, I think about him every second of the day. I don't know what to do, I am 27 and he is 50, he is almost twice my age! I am so distraught over the whole thing. I do love my fiance he is my best friend! But that emotional connection is not there, And with the other man, it's THERE! I don't mean for any one to get hurt, but some one will, help!?!?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:54 PM on Apr. 16, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • oh god please DO NOT GET MARRIED! trust me! ive been married for four years now, and not long ago fell for another man, i mean head over heals in love with this guy. to make a long story short, im stuck right now between my husband, and the other man. I want my husband for certain reasons, while I want the other guy for certain reasons. Makes me wish I would have never got married in the first place. Id rather be alone with my kids than have to deal with half the shit I deal with.
    upallnitescrapn

    Answer by upallnitescrapn at 1:22 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • Definitely do not get married until you figure this out. You can't continue the affair, you will get caught and that is the last thing any of your kids need to go through right now. Think of your kids. If you love this new man the way you say and he loves you, the relationship can wait until you end it with your fiance and sort out custody, child support, etc. I assume you are living with your fiance? You'll have to move out, etc. Continuing the affair will absolutely muck things up and it will turn bad in more ways that I can list.

    How long have you been with this new man?
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 5:04 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • how old is your daddy again.Yes people are gonna get hurt that would be your kids.My hubbys mom did this and she lost all respect from her kids and it was also older man too.stay alone because clearly you are in the wrong here.all you are doing is following your lust be better than that mom.best of wishes
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:23 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • Wow...its difficult being in a relationship when the love is lost...you don't love him anymore, right? I think its fair to your fiance that you be upfront with him and not hurt him more than you already are.
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 5:27 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • we have known each other for about 4 months and started expressing our feelings about 2 months ago, we didn't act upon it untill about 3 weeks ago. I feel like I should cut ties and stay away, and give my relationship a second chance. But I don't think I could live the rest of my life wondering what might have been, and if I am about to walk away from my soulmate just because I have guilt about breaking up our family. Especially when this "thing" is so intense. I can't get rid of this feeling in the pit of my stomach. I also left out a little about my fiance, he has control issues, and he has the power to make you feel like you are 2 inches tall, he belittles me, and says hurtful things, but then a short time later will apologize and will go above and beyond to make up for it. It gets to the point where the making up is not worth it! But like I said he is my best friend and an AMAZING father! this is so hard!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:38 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • IMO i would try some kind of marriage counseling with your hubby, think of your kids :) this other guy is giving u the kind of attention you need from your hubby! dont let lust ruin your family :(
    bri_0110

    Answer by bri_0110 at 6:13 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • So where did you meet this guy? I hope he's not a supervisor or something....that's all kinds of bad news. And I hope he's not married or otherwise connected.

    You know what I really think? You need to break BOTH relationships until you know who YOU are without a man.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 6:20 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • No one says you have to have just one guy in your life. Enjoy them both.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:50 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • I am a bartender and he is a guitarist that plays at my place sometimes, That's how we met. My fiance just got home from work in a bad mood and tore me apart. Once again this is how it goes, he will be apologizing in about an hour! I just can't take the roller coaster! I already went to marriage counseling for a few months and things were ok for a while but the shit just starts all over again! I just want some time to sort things through and I wish I had some space right now I am so confused. I love my kids but I WANT TO BE HAPPY!!!! I kinda wish they were one man, one who is a great father, a best friend, and the other is an amazing lover, romantic, who cares about me and wants to spend as much time as possible just doing anything as long as we are together. But we cant have our cake and eat it to......
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:30 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • Don't get married. Your fiance is abusive and you refuse to see it so you are making excuses. You need to quit the affair and move out with no sign of new boyfriends or your fiance will step up the abuse. Don't subject your kids to the risk of violence.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:44 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

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