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Ladies, ladies, help me out here

I need to make a long story short so be patient with me. As hard as it is to admit ,I'm going to tell what happened so I can get some advice. My son has issues with lying, he will give you 5 different excuses before you finally get to the truth, he has stolen at times from grandparents, peers at school. Everything's fine when he's being told yes, sure, go ahead but say "NO" and we are going to have some problems, he will disobey and do it anyway or get it anyway... if given the opportunity to get away with it he will try. He is in middle school and understands right from wrong. He had some money in his drawer, he asked if he could take some to school for snacks/candy. He was told "NO" by dad,as we don't want him eating junk...anyway come to find out -this is where i am going to make a long story short-he took some money to school anyway, but before we got him to finally fess up he again told 3 different lies/excuses ---cont.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:16 PM on Apr. 16, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • I'm sorry you're having this trouble with him. I personally would ground him and take away any electronic devices like ipod, TV, games. He would have to earn these back. If he is told he can't take something to school tell him he will be subject to search and will lose anything he has on him. It's going to take some tough love mom. I hope you get things under control.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:43 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • Op here---before he finally told the truth, so I guess my question is just in general without having to know more than what I have explained above, how would you handle, punish, discipline, handle this type of situation if you were dealing with your child that had these types of issues?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:17 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • Well, I would have given him a couple of dollars so he could have something and not be left out. If you are ALWAYS saying no, then, he will ALWAYS do that. Make a compromise here and there while teaching. Like when he asked to take some money, you could have said...Yes, you may take $2, bbut, no more, because you really don't need all the junk. A little is fine. That way, he had some money, but, not as much as he probably took. Yes, he needs to not lie and steal and should be punished by having some priviliges taken away. But, if you use a compromise approach, things will work out better. Don't just say no, sit and discuss and decide whay is best with him. You could even go so far as to kinda controlling the convo without his knowledge...make him think it is his idea to not take money for junk next time. KWIM?
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 7:42 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • Bradenismyson_____Sweetie read the post before replying next time!! !If you are ALWAYS saying no, then, he will ALWAYS do that.


    "Everything's fine when he's being told yes, sure, go ahead but say "NO" and we are going to have some problems"
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:52 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • I actually read that...Hence the compromise idea I suggested. You can use that approach and then wean him off. I am not illiterate. Some kids do not handle negativity well. You need a honey like approach, not a vinegar one.
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 7:57 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • I think punishing him will hopefully help. Taking away things that are most important to him. You have to stay consistant with the punishment. Try sitting down and talking to him about the importance of telling the truth. If everyone just allows him to get away with this then his problem will continue.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:00 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • Had the same problem with my son in 5th grade - the stealing, the lying, the complete disrespect for us. Only the start of a myriad of issues that ended with us pulling him out of school and homeschooling him for the last few years. Turned out to be the best decision we ever made. We are much closer as a family now, and he has a strong sense of morality. But I digress. The fact of the matter is that he stole from you, lied to you, and disrespected you by listening to what you said and deciding he was going to do what he wanted anyway. If you do not show him now who is the alpha in your house, it is going to set a dangerous precedent. Tough love, like the pp said. Put restrictions or take away whatever it is he holds near and dear to start with. Give him chances to improve with the promise for harsher punishment if the behavior continues. Use positive reinforcement as well. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:01 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • "Some kids do not handle negativity well." This explains the discipline problem among today's children.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:04 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • I actually read that...Hence the compromise idea I suggested. You can use that approach and then wean him off. I am not illiterate. Some kids do not handle negativity well. You need a honey like approach, not a vinegar one.

    Gee, your insane. Now where talking honey and vinegar. What are you telling us moms not to tell our children no, because it's a negative word and some kids cant deal with it. Really????
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:05 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • I am not talking to all moms... I spank and ground and tell my son NO all the time. He acts right, because I have been the athourity figue in his life since birth. He respects me and minds and does not lie and steal. He would be grounded for a long time and spanked and whatever else I could think of....
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 8:23 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

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