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What is proper punishment for my 5 yr old bully?

Hi, My 5 year old daughter is bullying and physically beating other kids at daycare. No punishment has seemed to work so far and she is causing such grief at daycare everyday. I need some advice on effective punishment. I cannot have my child beating up other kids! She's only 5!!!


Asked by ChelleChelle3n5 at 8:20 PM on Apr. 16, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (11)
  • (cont) Every time she bullies, hits, etc., she loses a marble (stick, etc.). If she has X number at the end of the day, she gets a reward, such as extra time on something she likes. If she loses them all, then she loses a specific thing she likes (TV, toy, etc.).

    Answer by SherriPie at 10:27 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • I'm wondering why she's so mad? Has she been in daycare before? Where is she learning this and medically speaking, there hasn't been anything wrong? This is really tough, what do the teachers say? Does she need to be removed or put into another class? Is she disciplined at home effectively? I applaud you for trying to work this out.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:29 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • Well, yes, she's been in daycare ever since she was a baby. Nothing medically wrong, she's big for her age, and her brother (7) always hits her when he gets mad, I can't talk to either of them enough to make them understand it's not ok? She likes to be mean?? We have a good relationship, she's very sweet when she want to be, - or something I should say. She's very munipulative. My son is too. I need to know how to get them not to be?? The other VERY IMPORTANT role (father) in their lives is the same way so it's really irritating..

    Answer by ChelleChelle3n5 at 8:41 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • it sounds to me like she is getting the bullying from her brother. The problem solving should start with him. You should make him apologize to her when he is a bully to her and force a punishment on him that way she can see the outcome so she will know when she does it to others that its not nice.

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:52 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • I do that already. I'm very frightened that this is only going to evole with both of them as they become adults. My brother is that way (but I don't see or speak to him anymore for that reason) and my now passed uncle was that way all his life. You see - one in every generation, this has been something I've been concerned about since I had child# 1. My brother is constantly in jail and I see how much hell my mom goes and went through with that. I have to figure out how to correct the behavior. Please know, my children are very loved, and they know it...

    Answer by ChelleChelle3n5 at 9:13 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • *evolve

    Answer by ChelleChelle3n5 at 9:14 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • oh, we have that generation thing in my family. My grandma was bipolar, passed to my dad, passed to my sister, i think her son will be. how do you discipline them? I'm not saying there is any correct way but maybe you should try something different if what your doing isnt working..or maybe you should just be consistant.

    Answer by shay1130 at 9:27 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • Trust me, I am consistent. This is what I am trying different, seeking advice, Because nothing else is working..this isn't a new thing - Toys have been taken away. TV has been taken, getting sent to the corner or their rooms - not getting certain treats...I don't want to get off the issue though. Daycare. I love all them kids at d/c and they all like me back too. I'm wondering if I should be sending an apologetic letter to the other moms there. I'm hoping I can correct this without having to take my child to a therapist..but I'm really frustrATED * sorry had a Simon moment there* with it..

    Answer by ChelleChelle3n5 at 9:45 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • Have both of the evaluated for mental illness or behavior issues. Does she like going to day care? If so, talk to her about how if she continues to hurt her friends, she will not be allowed to go back to day care. You may not have a choice but to take both of them to counseling. Your son needs to learn that it is unaccpetable to hit people when he is angry and your daughter needs to learn the same thing and that because her brother does it doesn't make it ok.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:07 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • Thank you, all that has been suggested has been tried and done. Looks like my only choice left is take them in for evaluation. For those of you who were wondering - she had a discussion with me and had to take a time out. I was asking because I was seeking immediate diciplinary actions. I admit I didn't have the best upbringing so often times I need help in making sure I'm a good mom. I don't have the best support around me so I come here in hopes to get good, sound advice from a variety of moms. Thank you all, I hadn't been on this site in a long time and it was nice to know this site was here..

    Answer by ChelleChelle3n5 at 10:20 PM on Apr. 16, 2010