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What should I do?

My husband has proven to me whats more important to him.He rather have his friends the be a family.He goes out EVERY weekend.He drinks and then drives and im tired of waiting up and around for him to grow up.HE was the best guy in the world..its why i married him..But his life is now full of parties..I dont know what to do...Do i just suck it up? he will not seek help or even allow us too. Should I leave?I have NOTHING...I just have my 2 girls and I just want to be happy again...What can i do? ugh...

Please no bashing..if you do so your answer will be removed :)

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:40 PM on Apr. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • I strongly believe in fighting for marriages.... To me that means fighting for a marriage, not just a pretend marriage!!! So, my suggestion is to set boundaries and leave it up to him to decide. Tell him that this is not ok with you and decide what is and isn't. For instance I am not ok with my husband getting drunk and partying with friends. like that. I'm ok if he hangs out with some mutual friends who I trust as well. I am not ok with partying and getting drunk, kids or no kids. So, for me I would say that needs to stop, marriage counseling is a must as well. If he choosers not to do these things he needs to leave the house. I would not file for divorce either, but just have a seperation if he chooses not to do these things. Some guys will realize that this is not the life they wanted, sometimes it takes time too :( I hope this helps and give you something to think about. My husband and I went through a seperation.....

    Answer by Precious333 at 11:47 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • so if you need to talk just message me.

    Answer by Precious333 at 11:47 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • I agree with Precious333 set boundries, You obiously still love him very much. And I hope that he will snap out of this and see what a wonderfull wife he has,

    Answer by raurismomma07 at 11:55 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • my husband grew up when I moved on. I was finally done, and moved forward with my life... then at some point, he decided he didn't want to be left behind and came for us.

    My advice, focus on a future for yourself and you daughters. What do you want? Work towards that. If he cleans up his act great, if not, then you didnt' wait another 5 years for him to clean up his act. You only have this life, this one life.... don't waist time waiting on him... and your daughters, they only get one childhood, make it a happy one, with or without him.

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 11:58 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • Ask for counseling. Tell him that you want to fight for your marriage but he has to want to fight for it, too. If he is not willing to grow up and be a married man, then separation or divorce might be what you both want. I'd try to get counseling, first, though.

    Answer by Mrs.B3 at 12:13 AM on Apr. 17, 2010

  • you have a right to give your girls a good futuere, thats not a very good role model. be very careful not to let him and his problem get the best of you. there are nice places that can 7 will help you, just go and see how you can do, you have your integrity and that means alot when you are starting over.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:22 AM on Apr. 17, 2010

  • Well he definitly needs to get his act together thats for sure, but what is the reason he doesnt want to be home? Are you a good wife to him? If so then he is just an ass, but if not then maybe he is not the only guilty party ( he is definitly not doing the right thing regardless). But just think to yourself whether or not you make it enjoyable for him to be at home, or if it makes him unhappy. If there are things you can change to make being at home more enjoyable for him do it. If you are being the best wife you can be, then I think it is time for an ultimatum, it is not proper for a married man and a father to be behaving that way.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:09 AM on Apr. 17, 2010

  • I definitely agree with Precious333. I couldn't have said it better myself. Also, I agree with ANON12:09, who asked if you're making it enjoyable for him to be at home. Just make sure you're being the best wife you can be-making sure his needs are also being met, trying not to nag, ect. If you already are, then like ANON said, he's just an ass. If not, then see about making some changes and it may change his attitude altogether. I'm sure your situation is tough and I know I've never been in it, so I don't know exactly how you feel. However, if this was my husband, I wouldn't just go straight for a divorce because I'd love him too much to just end it right away. I'd definitely see about counseling and possibly a trial separation. Hope it all works out!

    Answer by HaydensMom178 at 1:16 AM on Apr. 17, 2010

  • I'd have a problem with that. If he refuses to get help there's not much you can do other than tell him that it's not working for you and you're going to have to figure out an answer to the problem.
    Is he happy at home? Does the family do things together that are interesting for everyone?
    With him being the only male in the home, maybe he needs some male stuff but every weekend with alcohol isn't the answer.
    I'd have to tell him that it's either the partying or me... a beer at home as in one or two wouldn't be a problem ( if it's not) if he wants to unwind... but every weekend would make me think that he's an alcoholic or there's another woman he's spending time with if he refuses to budge on it.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 8:59 AM on Apr. 17, 2010

  • I worry about that drinking and driving thing. Ask him if how he'd feel if he hit a child in a drunken stupor? I'd also remind him that a DUI is about $7000 or more. Tell him if he doesn't take the marriage more seriously that you will consider leaving and taking out a large insurance policy for when he kills himself drinking and driving. I told my x that he stopped drinking for a while. He was determined I wasn't going to get that insurance money! lol Good luck on this. It's never easy in situations like this. I finally did leave and divorce him but maybe you have a chance but say what you mean and mean what you say. He may need AA or something to help him with stopping the drinking.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:09 AM on Apr. 17, 2010

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