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She is going to keep me from getting married !

So, we got engaged a few months ago. He is amazing. The only problems we have is that he was once married to a horrid woman, whom he also has 2 children with. Now I can deal with the kids, because they are old enough to basically "play" by themselves and we really only have them on the weekends....

The main problem is his ex. Both of the kids play sports, and now I have to go to the games because she is there and I cannot trust her with MY man. She always tries to talk to him, she tries to sit next to us in the bleachers, most of the time, and its just annoying. I hate when she calls the house, if I answer she asks for him ( I am there too she can ask me whatever it is she thinks she can only tell him!).. I can already tell she is going to use the kids to try and rip us apart....Anyone else have to deal with this and know how to get rid of the witch?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:43 PM on Apr. 16, 2010 in Just for Fun

Answers (16)
  • I dont know. It really sounds like youre being very immature on this. You said alot in your post. "I can deal with the kids...they can play by themselves". You do realize you would be a mother to them right? Even if only for the weekends you would need to grow to cherish and love them as your own. Otherwise you become the kind of stepmoms too many are!
    And you can't trust HER with him..what about trusting HIM? If you think she can rip you apart already then I would think twice about getting married in the first place.
    Also she doesn't need to talk to you on the phone. If she wants to talk about the kids she doesnt need to go to you..she will talk to him.
    I honestly believe ALL of you may have alot of growing to do right now.
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 11:48 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • She's the baby-mama. There's no getting "rid" of her.
    It might be irritating but she is always going to be around and will always be a part of his life because of their children.

    The best advice I could give would be to be the bigger person.
    They're broken up.
    He asked YOU to marry him.
    If you appear threatened by her in any way then she'll use that to her advantage.

    Remember...keep your friends close and keep your enemies even close.

    Also, whenever my ex gets a new woman in his life, I'd be asking to talk to him when I phone as well. Anything I need to talk about regarding our kids would be between him and I until I became more comfortable with the new woman.
    Try and see things from her perspective too.
    Laila-May

    Answer by Laila-May at 11:48 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • You know.. I just went to a mediation orientation the other day... and basically your job is to basically stay out of this. Your fiance and his ex need to work this out.

    You have already used your negative words to set in to motion negative things... yes words have power. :-) You may want to stop and have her ex find out why she is doing this and let her ex deal with this.

    Otherwise.. you will make it into a bigger mess and raising his kids will be harder than you think.. and I cannot believe you said oh they are old enough to play by themselves and you just only have them on the weekends. Their father NEEDS to be a part of their lives and not just let them sit around all day all weekend... he will need to take an active role in their lives. His kids are number one... YOU are second.
    Shaneagle777

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 11:49 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • Well you cant get rid of her she is the kids mother. Just make sure you tell you fiancee how you feel and you may not trust her but you need to trust him. The only way she can come between the 2 of you is if one of you allow it. If she tries to use the kids agianst your fiancee for exmpl. You cant see them if shes there I would go to court and work out visitation.
    raurismomma07

    Answer by raurismomma07 at 11:50 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • Its a package deal, you get him, you get the kids and yes you get the ex. YOu need to figure out if you TRUST your DF enough to stay true to you. You say you don't trust her.... well, what does she have to do with you trusting him? It sounds like you want him, and non of the "baggage" but guess what, that baggage is his children and the mother of his children. Your not going to get rid of them. It sounds like you want a man all to yourself... well, it sounds like with this man, you have to share his attention... and if you can't handle that, then you need to find a different man.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:52 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • I agree with everything that MamaChamp said.
    Christina807

    Answer by Christina807 at 11:56 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • Hey,,,Im seeing red flags all over this situation,,,STOP and think and breathe. FIrst off,,these two have kids together,,,,no way around that one,,,and yes mom is going to be in the picture, Do you really want to go to war with this woman? If your guy loves you the way you think he loves you,,,why do you care if she shows up to the ball games and sits next to him. This is about trust,,,and not her...who cares what she does at the games,,you dont have to go out there and play the control freak. Do you trust him enough,,that he loves and wants to be with you? If you believe that,,,there is no way,,no how,,that she can get to him. Does that make sense to you? One other thing,,,,this was once a united family,,,that fell apart. Everyone is trying to find there place in this new life,,including his ex. Maybe,,,since you are spending weekends with HER kids,,she just wants to get to know you better,,,just relax,,k
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:58 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • Nope... you can't get rid of her. Sorry.... but it ain't gonna happen! And the more you force the issue, the worse it will get (for you!)

    If you are so worried about your man getting back with his ex, then you need to re-evaluate your situation. This is going to be a “long haul” situation and you’ll have to learn how to play nice with the ex, or you’ll need to save yourself years of frustration and “step off” now.
    VeronicaLee

    Answer by VeronicaLee at 11:58 PM on Apr. 16, 2010

  • Befriend her.
    How great would the kids feel to see their whole family sitting together in the crowd at their games rather than having them split. If you try to come between their parents then they will resent you.
    If your DF feels like he needs to choose between your happiness and his kids happiness then I can assure you he will choose them.
    Laila-May

    Answer by Laila-May at 12:03 AM on Apr. 17, 2010

  • No one should be able to "keep you from getting married" other than you and the groom to be! You are giving her ALL the power and I'm sure it shows.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:10 AM on Apr. 17, 2010

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